Page Nine: Remarks 401-450
Angry Tree - Reg & Lance "Squiddie" Smith
R: "Don't make a tree angry. You wouldn't like them when they're angry."
L: Like anyone on this newsgroup didn't already know that.
Garlic Bread Is The New Cheese Cake? - Jenny Jo
This would kind of seem to imply that "Garlic Bread" is the new slang for Vampires...you know, sort of like "cheese cake"? As in, "Hey, Michelle...check out that hot hunk of garlic bread in the PVC coat. Nice boots, too..."
Punchlines - A'Cealaigh Taim Aine, Colt, Loz, squeaks, Ravenscroft
A: I've read lots and lots of my favourite Gaiman to my hubby {its fun, try it}
C: Okay, send your husband over and I'll give it a go...
L: Gah, beaten to the punchline...
s: Well, it's not Tuesday, but if you insist...
<smack!>
<now, someone insert a 'punchline' here>RC: "New! From AFNG Industries!
Punchline Jelly!
Aids insertion of punchlines into places they were not meant to go..."RC: Ahem. I'll get me coat.
Oh, god...there *must* be something I can contribute to this newsgroup other than opinions on which fictional characters are sexy...um...
Librarian Avengers - Loz & Mary K. Librarian
L: So now all I have to do is pay to have three copies of my Professional Development Report bound, sent to Library HQ by recorded delivery, pay THEM £45 to look at it and hope they think it's sufficiently good to be worthy of chartership.
L: Then I take over the world. Ho yus.
L: Hmm, I didn't type that aloud did I?
MK: Welcome to the club. Has anyone shown you the secret handshake yet? Whispered the secret librarian's password in your ear?
L: The cheque's in the post for the Librarian Avenger t-shirt I swear...
Alan Moore As Right Bastard - jess nevins & tyg
j: jess, who greatly regrets that he got into the annotating game too late to do Sandman
t: Actually, you might want to get in touch with David Goldfarb. Last I checked, the annotations only went up through #74.
j: I've sent the occasional note along, but I'd have preferred to start with it from the very beginning.
t: And, btw, the really disgusting thing about Jess' League annotations was how quickly he had them done after an issue came out. No wonder Moore tried to kill him with the extensive travelogues in volume 2. :-)
j: He's a right bastard, that one. :-)
Book-Whores - Mary K. Librarian, Lady Miss Tree, jinx
MK: (Book-whore extraordinaire :)
LMT: You think I can get that on a business card? ;>
J: Hell, business card nothing, I want it on a t-shirt.
MK: I'm thinking of having it tattooed somewhere naughty ;)
Ghostie & Miss Tree - Lady Miss Tree & tyg
LMT: Let me get the Australian part of it set up before I take over the world... oooops, I mean expand globally!
t: OK, is it just that a certain cartoon about two mice didn't make it to Australia, or am I the only one who immediately started thinking how to rework its theme song to "Ghostie and Miss Tree"?
t: "What are we going to do tomorrow night Tree?"
"Try to take over the world, of course!"
Tuesday Dance Spotlight - Bill^2, Mary K. Librarian, Colt
B: No posts...
...on a Tuesday?
Can't let that happen.
<dims lights, puts on some music>B: Everybody rhumba!
MK: I would tend to think that the Lambada would be the more appropriate dance for the day.
MK: <whips off stodgy librarian costume to reveal clingy red dress>
MK: Okay, I'm ready!
C: Ah, but you've never rhumbaed with Bill!
Err...
...and...and...neither have I of course. Really. Perish the thought. I never..
ah, fuck...
Mixed-Up Mythos, Part the First- Scooter Ivy, Loz, Reg
SI: How about why Delight changed?
L: All we can tell is that it was sometime before Orpheus married Euripedes, so it could have been soon before that or a long time, which might mean it happened before life on earth.
R: Orpheus was married to the third member of the great triumvriate of Greek theatre as well as Eurydice? :-P
Mixed-Up Mythos, Part the Second - Reg & Frank N. Furter
R: If the ruler of the Silver City, who appears to be at the top of the pole, has a name, I suspect it is Nemesis.
R: And Nemesis is cruel
F: But Nemesis was just one of the Roman gods, and therefore subordinate to Dream by your own analysis..
R: Actually, she was a Greek goddess and it's my analysis, so I'm allowed to be inconsistent if I like the results better.:-P
Impervious - Reg & Ghost Who Walks
R: And apparently you believe you are impervious to the Squinty Eye Of Doom you knew that comment was going to elicit from certain parties close to you.
G: More like... built up a tolerance to over the last year. I get it on a daily basis for something I say, do, or inspire. Heh.
G: Its good to be the king.
R: You haven't been making her listen to your music again have you?:-P
Language Lessons - Reg & Ghost Who Walks
R: It's "arsed", not "assed".;-P
G: My arse.
Let Sleeping Pussies Lie - Mary K. Librarian & Harvey Lee
MK: [1] What kind of cruel, sadistic person do you think I am to even *consider* getting up and ruining her nap? Really, people!
H: Not me. I know when not to disturb a pussy on my lap. ;-)
Weasels, Weasels, Wea-SELS - squeaks & Lady Miss Tree
s: And the boss-lady is much cheered by it when feeling down. If all else fails, there's nothing like a conga line full o' weasels to cheer a girl up.
LMT: I think I want this inscribed on my tombstone.
There's nothing like a conga line full o' weasels to cheer a girl up.
FoGgy Action Figure - Colt & Claudius
Colt: A soupy-FoG in Germany? Hmmm... I dunno, maybe the prefix pertains to your place of residence, so you'd still be a G-FoG. Or maybe a (bad joke following, no offence meant) G.I.-FoG...? Um. Sorry. Shouldnta posted that... Really bad pun. <snip>
Claudius: G.I.-FoG? Does this mean that I get my own action figure and plastic accessories. "Thrill with exitement as G.I.-FoG logs on to his computer. Feel the rush as G.I.-FoG looks up words in a German dictionary."
Your 'Dream' Job - Lance "Squiddie" Smith & Lady Miss Tree
L: I would be in charge of the unpublished comics that people swear they've seen. I already have experience.
LMT: I'll be in charge of designing and maintaining the the database for Lucien's library. Of course, I'd need Lucy Anne's valuable librarian assistance to help pull it together, but I'm sure I could design an appropriately dreamy interface for it.
LMT: If I can't do that, I'll slum it as Morpheus' P.A.
LMT: "Ahh, Mr Morpheus? I have someone called Nada on the phone. Yeah, she's calling from Hell and has been on hold for the past 10,000 years. You wanna take this one?"
LMT: "I'm sorry, Mr Morpheus is deciding the fate of Hell at the moment, can I take a message?"
With Apologies to Hugo Weaving - Lady Miss Tree
"Mister Anderson, the ring cannot be destroyed. But I will survive! As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive..."
JJ: (73 messages?!)
L: I know, what's *that* all about? If we keep this up people might think we're a newsgroup or something.
R: Actually, what I find scarier is the that at least a third of them are on topic.
R: It's like alt.fan.thingie:The Next Generation
Tim Tams & Harems - Loz & Lady Miss Tree
L: How is the 'world dictator' plan going anyway?
LMT: Well, with all the competition I've got at the moment, I think I'm flying below the radar quite successfully right now. ;>
LMT: Just when you think you're safe... POW! It'll be Tim Tams and harems as far as the eye can see.
Levels of Hell - Jenny Jo, squeaks, Margret, JeremyL
JJ: I'm in the Sixth Level, the city of Dis. I'm highly lustful and moderately gluttonous.
s: Uh, before Zoloft: 7th level... ouch
After Zoloft: 6th level
I don't think the drugs are working as well as they're supposed to.M: Well, if you stick with the Zoloft, you can hang out with me and the rest of us heretics in the 6th level. It's a good thing I don't believe in hell or I might be worried. :)
J: Whoo-hoo! I'm in Purgatory. I'm not bad, I'm not bad! I knew I was a good person. I'm so proud of myself. Hmm...
J: Pride's a sin isn't it? I'll be damned. Oh well there went that.
Packaged Benefits - Lady Miss Tree, Mary K. Librarian, Jenny Jo
LMT: Just wait until you see the benefits package!
MK: Is it anything like David Bowie's package in "Labyrinth"? >:)
JJ: Whoah, the exact same thought went through my head.
JJ: I doubt Miss Tree's package is much similar to Bowie's, though...or if it is, I know one little Ghost-boi who's in for a shocker...or if he isn't, then there' more to him than we realize...or if there isn't--well. Right, where was I?
JJ: When Tree offers you benefits...you don't ask questions.
ObRocky Horror - Frank N. Furter
I suppose it's fair to be remembered as a big weenie by someone whom I once locked into his own bedroom (from outside).
Whipping Boys - squeaks & Jenny Jo
s: who needs whipping boys when you've got thingies on a Tuesday?
JJ: Wait...are you saying we've got thingie boys to tie up and whip? Or thingie boys doing the whipping? Or thingie boys with whipped topping?
JJ: Or are you saying, "Who needs whipping, boys?"
JJ: Whatever. I'm game.
Pics of Ivoree's Stuff - Claudius & Ivory
C: I saw a lot of pictures of people from a.f.n-g (Colt, Ivoree, Walker, Reg, Tracy, Margret, possibly others) as well as some cool Neil stuff (pics of Ivoree's stuff.... WOW!) and some pics of Anja's husband.
I: For once on this group the words "pics of Ivoree's stuff" did not refer to that pic of my ass from Knoxville. Neil really shoulda worked that into American Gods along with the sushi dinner sentence. Lord knows nothing makes books fly off the shelves like Ivory's skinny butt.
Ivory's Infamous Backside - Ghost Who Walks
Just call him Ivory, he puts the Can in American.
Buffy the Video Game - Lady Miss Tree, Mute, squeaks
LMT: Well, we don't have Buffy yet
M: It's pretty fun. She bounces up and down and pants a lot.
s: Yeah, but then you get to that stupid demon that just teleports all over the screen and kicks your ass before you can unlock the three secrets in the scene and it just sits on your shelf for 2 weeks at a time before you decide maybe it wasn't that hard and then you find out you were wrong and you grumble for 2 more weeks until you forget and take it off the shelf again and....
M: You fight demons?
M: I just made her run around and pant & grunt.
Eurovision - Reg & Maria Siu-Lee
M: It was all political, of course.
R: Of course it was. The UK entry steering committee deliberately set out to humiliate the Blair government on the international stage by submitting a song so unremittingly mediocre that Brotherhood of Man's "Save Your Kisses For Me" seems like a prog rock masterpiece in comparison and then having it performed by a poster child for "When Hair stylists Attack" and some bint in a frock that Christina Agulierra would consider too tacky to be seen in, with a combined level of talent not normally seen outside a summer camp end of season concert.
M: Harsh, sooo harsh. Who needs Wogan, eh? :)
When Scones Go Bad - Lady Miss Tree & Loz
LMT: Who doesn't make a bad scone herself,
L: Bad scone, evil scone! <gets butterfly net> I'll catch you yet!
L: Next on Fox: When scones go bad...
Punk Neil - Lance "Squiddie" Smith & Mary K. Librarian
L: ObGaiman: I'm trying to picture Punk Neil watching the UK Eurovision trials in 1978 and just having no luck here. Anyone?
MK: <squeezes eyes shut tightly>
Nah. I'm trying to picture him in a mohawk and lots of safety pins, and it's not happening.L: Well you can find a picture of Neil the punk at the back of the TPB of "The Kindly Ones". No safety pins or mohawk, but a very surly attitude and scarily enough, a fashion sense that predates Avril Lavigne by a quarter of a century.;-)
Messages to the Dream World - Amee, Mary K. Librarian, Loz
A: I'm gonna take a nap soon...anybody got messages for me to deliver to the dream world?
MK: Sure! Could you tell that Antonio Bandaras-clone I dreamed about last week to come back? I wasn't quite finished with him... >:)
L: And have the Laurence Fishburn, Jude Law, Richard O'Brien and Guy Pierce clones sent to my dream please.
L: <sigh> Too many people, not enough chains.
JJ: Eww. I think they're gross. At least for eating...maybe not so much for playing with.
I: I'd like to put a shout out to all my peeps...no?...I'll just go..amuse myself in the corner then...
From Hell Tour - Lady Miss Tree & Reg
LMT: There are 'official' tours, of course, but nothing beats wandering around the place with a thingie going "Oooooh! Look!". And Maria's can be had for the price of a good vegetarian curry and a pint. ;>
R: And since I missed the posessive there, I read it as "Maria can be had for..." and I was going to say that I was sure that was not true and she and her boy might take offence at the suggestion.
Actually, Knoxville seems to close down about 9PM, unless the Vols are in town and then you just wish it would close down.
R: Um...a green snowball? Australian retailers are missing out on a major marketing possibility. They could sell them during the Melbourne Cup carnival and call them phlegmingtons.>:-)
S: Oh Reg. *shakes head*. That is bad on so many levels.
More Peepage - squeaks & GothPat
s: For the record... Peeps are wrong. Sick and wrong! You people need help!
s: So, whenever I get around to making US Goodies care packages, who needs them sent where?
G: Me! Me! Me!
Allegiance to Todd McFarlane - Mary K. Librarian & Harvey Lee
MK: But he's spent so much time in the US, we'd might as well declare him a Yank and get it over with. In fact, as a fourteenth-generation Canadian, I Officially Disown Todd McFarlane as a Canadian. There!
H: As a first generation Canadian I second it! What a better way to celebrate Canada's 136th b-day (on a Tuesday no less) than to drop one of it's damn barnacles. And I got a registered firearm to do it with.
Oh, and according to a sidebar I read in the miscellania page of the newspaper last week, Ghost is not a real Aussie until he has at some point impersonated Alf from "Home And Away", has an anecdote about the overconsumption of alchohol involving a friend called Dave and has a firm opinion on the Holden vs. Ford issue. (If he wants to be baroque, or claim Mediterranean heritage, I would be willing to accept "Hey Charger!!" as a response to the last issue, but I am very broad-minded.)
And the additional responsibilities I would press upon you are that you teach him to hum, or at least recognise within one bar, the "Skippy" theme, (and if you explain "Skippy" to him, the response "Oh, so it's Sonny Has Two Dads." is not acceptable,) educate him in local tribal decoration, (or at least teach him that "I am a VFL fan. Did you see the Preston/Sandringham game last week?" is the best way to kill a conversation about football in most social situations.) explain to him why Ugly Dave Gray endorsing anti-erectile-disfunction nasal spray is so very wrong, and really, you must force him to stop greeting complete strangers:"G'day mate, how's it going digger, cobber, blue, you top little bloke." It was endearing when he first arrived, but now it is starting to be embarassing.
Sharp & Pointy vs. Soft & Squishy - Lady Miss Tree & Mary K., Librarian
LMT: But otherwise, welcome! Play nicely with the other children in the sand box, mind the sharp and pointies and remember to be flexible on Tuesdays.
MK: <looks down at chest>
MK: The Girls are definitely not sharp and pointy - more soft and squishy-like. And roundish. But mind them all the same!
Mini Theories - Reg, Mary K. Librarian, Jenny Jo
R: Lucy Anne and I both had our curiosity piqued by Neil's mention in his journal of "an embarrassing mistake" involved in the delivery of "the all-black Mini" and curiosity led to speculation as to what the mistake was.
MK: It was delivered to a Mr. Neal Gayman.
Instead of an Austin Mini, they delivered a mini Austin (think Mike Meyers action figure).
The car was delivered in many pieces, having missed the fine print which read "Some assembly required"
On the way over, the cargo ship was attacked by a giant squid, and Neil's mini got washed overboard.
Has anyone mentioned UFOs yet?JJ: The car was intercepted en route (a phrase which here means, "while on its way to Mr. Gaiman's house") by employees of a rival dealership, Vinnie's Fine Driveables. Witnesses say the men wore medium-length beige coats, and pants which were described as "sensible".
A Nod to the Future Bible Heroes - Jenny Jo, Loz, Mary K. Librarian
JJ: I wonder how London is going.
L: going where?
MK: Didn't you hear? It's moving to Paris.
L: Cool! I'll see you on the Champs Elysses then!
JJ: You know, I hear Death opened a boutique there...
(It sold black plague and socialism)
Ya know I've been actively trying to sell my soul for about 2 weeks now. Not one bite,....ya think that means I don't have one?
Leather Kilts - Harvey Lee, Christine Marie, Karen McMurray
H: <Me, Reg, Walker and Ghost walks by ala Reservior Dogs sporting black sunglasses and leather kilts>
CM: *blinks* Leather kilts, huh?
CM: Coooooool.
K: http://www.utilikilts.com/catalog-leather-index.htm
CM: *blinks again*
CM: Um. Whoa. I think I need a moment alone...
Bee-Free - Jenny Jo & Pamela Basham
JJ: Oh, and in other news, a pest control guy actually came today with a big anti-bee suit and a few cans of something called "Wasp Freeze"
P: There's just something about those guys in weird suits riding to your rescue that just does a girly heart good. Although "Wasp Freeze" has got to be one of the strangest "the part of the big, knightly sword will be played by... " sorts of things ever.
JJ: but we are now blessedly bee-free.
On Baths Spongey - Lady Miss Tree, Pamela Basham, Jenny Jo
LMT: Who is too much of a lady to indulge in whore's baths for that long.
P: Surely there's some middle ground in there somewhere... "Well, I was drunk and he was cute" soaks? "Only on Tuesdays" baths? "Will perform lewd acts for TimTams, but only with somebody I already like" showers?
JJ: How about rather slutty ablutions? Trampy sluicings? Washings-up of negotiable virtue?
JJ: --Trampy Sluicing (it's a much better name than Jenny Jo)
LMT: Washings-up of negotiable virtue it is, I think! Although I quite fancied lady of the evening bathing, as well. Anything is better than feeling like a skanky ho.
Neil Fix - Pamela Basham & lucy anne
P: Hope everybody gets a happy Neil fix and has lots of fun.
P: -Pam
who actually thinks it may be possible to get too much Neil fix, after SDCCla: No, it isn't. Not with a line of woodpeckers behind you and Neil continuing to play the role of a maggotty log.
la: And I would make a much better analogy (or at least a more original one) if I wasn't still completely exhausted by Friday. I'm still at the level of language where:
See Neil.
See Neil sign.
Sign, Neil, sign.
is about where I max out. Apologies.
Oh, and Neil's favorite bear/beer is either Winnie the Pooh or something he was served in Trieste. You pick which is which.
Kudzu - Clotilde, Cleve, Lance "Squiddie" Smith
Clo: You KILLED Kudzu?
Cle:No, no. I'm not a killer. It died in its pot, on its own. In a pot, because I live in kudzuless S. Kalifornia. I just want a PET kudzu.
L: Oh, sure. They look cute as little pets but then they get too big and you try to get rid of them and pretty the entire Magic Kingdom is overrun with kudzu. Did we learn nothing from the introduction of rabbits and rubgy players to Australia?
Thingie at the Stake - ingrid & tyg
i: Yippee!!! Coraline won a Hugo :) I am so happy for him......
t: And, believe it or not, his acceptance speech did *not* contain the words "Fuck, I won another Hugo!" (although he did admit off-stage to having considered it :-)).
t: But see if I bring him another cup of liquid again. Got him a cup of water during his reading this morning, and what does he end up saying? ("You" = audience packed into the room, "him" = me)
t: "You should all get together and burn him as a witch."
t: [Yes there is a small bit of missing context.]
Breakfast at Lucy Anne's - Reg
And I can heartily recommend Lucy Anne, (yet another non-axe-murderer in my experience) as a gracious and charming hostess. The NYC apartment where she spends most of her time is tastefully discreet but close to all the necessities of a full New York lifestyle, with a number of charming eateries, a major bookseller and a comic shop within walking distance. Full cable television serviceand internet access go without saying.
Her expansive Long Island estate is set on the waterfront with full access for oceanic as well as overland arrivals. A short taxi ride from Long Island Railroad connections to central Manhattan, it boasts a tranquil setting perfect for relaxing after those frenetic Manhattan experiences.
Reg(who is working on a guidebook for thingie travelers)