Page Eight: Remarks 351-400
Thingie Fantasies - Pug Ugly, Jinx & some obnoxious troll
troll: Oh, you're an unemployed samurai? And people say usenet is overpopulated by posers living out fantasies.....
P: I'm trying desperately not to be introspective enough to determine exactly what twisted fantasy am I playing out.
P: Anyone want to help with my therapy bill?
J: Ummmmm,..........where do you want me to start? :thinking about how all thingie women have big breast and red hair:
trolls... *sigh*
If only there were some way two people could send messages to each other over the Internet without using a public forum. Some system similar to the postal system, but implemented electronically... Some kind of "electronic" "mail" system. Why, perhaps the client could even be built into a news reader, so that by the simple CLICK OF A BUTTON! the message would be sent privately, yet with the ease and simplicity of posting!
*sigh*
That'll always be the dream.
Poking Fun at Walker - Jenny Jo
Err...although there is a small matter of sharp'n'pointies bristling forth from every corner of your abode...
--Jenny Jo (My claymore has a first name, it's A-N-G-U-S...)
Make Love, Not Trolls - Jouniac & Loz
J: Jouniac (make love, not trolls)
L: Although you should always use some form of contraception, otherwise you may end up doing both. Personally I prefer to use Warren Ellis.
OOCQ - Jenny Jo, Anna Begins & Ravenscroft
JJ: I did give some thought today to a last name for Angus...perhaps McCrae? There aren't very many five-letter last names that sound suitably Scottish.
A: I was going to suggest McLeod (as in Duncan, the Highlander, and incidentally my ma's name) but it seems to suffer from a surfeit of letters, as does McCrae :)
RC: McSporran.
RC: okay, it's too long, but it always makes me grin.
RC: <re-reads what he just typed> <blink>
RC: you know, that is possibly the finest OOCQ I have ever produced. Excellent.
How Many Camels Can You Fit? - Anna Begins
It was in Egypt also that I learned you can fit three camels in the back of a standard size Toyota pickup/ute ...
tyg Everlasting - Reg & Lance "Squiddie" Smith"
R: It was pointed out to me yesterday that I had forgotten to mention TYG. I sometimes suspect that when the world wide web first came into existence, the users were somewhat surprised to find that there were already posts from TYG waiting for them.
L: "Web? Back in my day we were happy to have a net! And we were lucky if it got to Canada! And we had to crank the terminals before we could use them!"
L: Somewhere in the archives of the Charles Babbage Institute of Computer History is a letter dated February 3, 1969 from a young tyg to BBN asking them to please hurry up with their work on the IMP as he already had several posts he wished to make on recent comics.
Unbelievable Tales From Down Under - Lady Miss Tree, bafog1, Reg & Mute
Undies Cannon - Loz, Colt & Harvey LeeLMT: And for the benefit of those thingies who were suckered in by the whole 'hoop snake' thing, I'M KIDDING!
b: You mean... it's *not* real?
R: Nah, it's the drop bears you should be worried about, but as I seem to remember Mute pointing out, you can protect yourself from drop-bear attack by smearing Vegemite all over your body.
M: Now Reg, don't tell the people such unbelievable tales. It's only *exposed areas of skin* that need to be coated.
L: <still loading the undies cannon>
C: <barely audible, scared voice:>
help...L: <engages homing function>
<locks on to Colt's biosigns>
Ready, aim...H: Did you remember to change it from "char-broil" setting?
L: <sigh> Yes mother...
Lady Miss Tree's Hot Pink Puggle - Lady Miss Tree & Morgana
LMT: Lady Miss Tree, Who's hot pink puggle had claws too.
M: Uh-huh..is anyone surprised? ;p
No One Argues Tim Tams With Tree - Bill2, Ghost Who Walks, Lady Miss Tree & Loz
B: No, but simply buying two boxes solves that problem to the satisfaction of all involved.
G: Just give up. I spent an hour last night discussing the different ways that I was right, that her theory is a silly one. I lost. Well, allow me to rephrase, I didn't lose. I raised vaild and thought provoking points. She said, "Nuh-huh, you're wrong, and I'm right so neener."
L: Welcome to the rest of your life... <g>
LMT: Sweetie, you know me TOO well.
LMT: "No shit, SherLoz," GhostWhoWalks (reading over my shoulder)
Who Married Whom? - Anna Begins, NightWalker & Loz
A: The Tree/Walker method will be employed however, so here's hoping...
NW: Er...That's Tree/Ghost... right? Me Walker. He Ghost.
NW: <looks around> I sure hope I didn't get married...
L: You're my wife now...
Oh yeah?
<pulls lever>
<cage falls down to trap Maria>Cool, I've been wondering what that does for weeks...
You know what's weird? I have an aunt that looks like Tom Baker.
Pooh On Crushes - Jenny Jo & Loz
JJ: (what I am really lacking is any good candidates for proper crushes. Pooh.)
L: What? With all the top totty on Michelle's Thingy page?! Or where you suggesting you should develop a crush on Winny-The-Pooh? (Mmmm, say 'bother' again you big stud you...)
JJ: Loz, you are even more evil and twisted than I had previously imagined. I like it.
JJ: But, although there is a little place in my heart for all the thingie boys (and the girls too, on Tuesdays), I feel at the moment that it is prudent to focus the bulk of my amorous energies locally.
JJ: (Don't worry, Eeyore, I *always* notice you.)
Bris-Vegas - Lady Miss Tree, Sally & JAC
LMT: But welcome, fellow AUS-FOG. You must meet the utterly delightful Sally, a fellow BrisVagan (why does that look faintly rude?).
S: Awww, thanks Tree. I feel all warm and fuzzy now.
S: And I think it should probably be spelled "BrisVegan" - sure, it makes us sound like we shun dairy and have a fondness for legumes, but definately less rude looking.
JAC: except for the bris part. but that could just mean you're all really young and Jewish....
Thingie Pizza - Jenny Jo, Anja and Sally
JJ: If this revolution isn't having pineapple on pizza, then I'm going to have a start another one on my own. I don't like pizza any other way.
JJ: #12 Everyone gets to have a harem of the appropriate gender(s), which may include Thingies, Non-Thingies, and/or hot celebrities. Rufus Wainwright's gonna be in mine. To prevent disputes, membership in multiple harems shall be permitted.
A: Very wise indeed. I'll have Bruce Willis in mine. (Hah! This is something nobody would have thought from me, right!?) :-)
S: That'll teach me to skim posts. I thought you meant you wanted Bruce Willis on your pizza.
S: (I'll have half Bruce, half Kiefer and a garlic bread, thanks)
Par-TAY (For Thingies of All Ages) - NightWalker
Kinda. Well... it'll be cool. See... umm... fuck it, just hear me out...
So this friend of yours and mine (you all know her as PickyWitch, or Kari) says: "Hey Night-Wizzie-for-shizzy ... I'll be drivin' the hip shit down to the West Side next week, and we should chill and hit-up some cool shit while I'm there. Dig?"
To which I replied: "Yo baby! I'm down wit that! How 'bout we cruise down South to the House of Mouse and fuck dat shit up Thingie-Style?!"
Then she said: "Awwwwwwwww-yeah! Word to ya mama's uncle's dog"
TMI Tuesday - Pam Basham & Steve Saunders
P: OMG. Rufus. RUUUUUfusss.... *licks lips* *Warning: TMI threshold approaching!*
S: <blinks about bemusedly, checks the date> Ummm... there's a TMI threshold on Tuesday?
<waves to sundry thingies who were kind enought to accept that he *might* not have been a spammer, last appearance here> Hi, all! Think I'd better go lurk s'more (TMI on Tuesday, who'da thunk it? I've obviously Missed Something Important)...
What Sort of Tree? - Lance "Squiddie" Smith & Lady Miss Tree
L: "If you were a tree, what sort of tree would you be?"
LMT: Is there any other sort of tree to be?
Thingie Initiation - Lea, Harvey Lee & Sheri
L: Thank you for the warm welcome :) Is there anything you have to do to become a fully fledged thingie?
H: How are you at handling sharp & pointies, and do you have a kilt? Preferably leather.
S: <wags finger at Harvey Lee> I know you've got a reputation to uphold, but honestly!
H: Maybe I shouldn't mention the vinyl French maid outfit?
S: Um, would that be yours or mine? <g>
Addictive Personality - statikitten
must...not...implicate..oh bugger it. nope not afraid to admit it, i'm still consistently looking for a way off dark morpheous' realm (god, i'm so goff) . if i ever get my hand on that dream pouch of his. wham! rubbing it in my eyeballs. then my room is free to start eating people.
Understated - Lady Miss Tree & Loz
LMT: Lady Miss Tree, Who has been described as a 'determined little thing'.
L: By people with an Olympian gift for understaement...
When Cosmetics Attack - Lady Miss Tree
Just don't make the mistake I did and try to put your mascara on in an plane bathroom.
I know what you are all thinking. "Tee, hee, hee... Tree got mascara all over herself when the plane hit turbulence." Nothing that simple.
I forgot that the pressure in the cabin was different to the pressure inside my tube of mascara, last screwed shut on the ground. Nearly punched a hole in the side of the plane with the brush when I opened it. Eeeep.
Signs of Sobriety - Bill2 & Pam
B: Oh please. Only one of us was even nearing incapacitation, and even he was only drunk enough to inquire about a carriage ride back to the hotel, not to actually do it.
P: And "I can't feel my face" and lingering meditations on swirling water in your glass are landmarks of sobriety?
Tell Us What You Really Think - Colt & Ivory
C: Just to clarify: Does that mean you ARE reading the Spectre? And is it any good? I haven't read any of it, I just dislike the idea of turning Hal into the Spectre...
I: Quite possibly the worst idea since Bat Mite. Hey lets take a cool silver age character, drive him nuts, turn him into a villain and then combine him with another even cooler silver age character so we can completely ruin two characters at once!! Sure it'll piss people off and alienate loads of fans but it'll temporarily spark interest and thus sales!! Hey maybe we can even slap a glow in the dark, foil stamped, holographic, titaniam, laser etched, die cut cover with twenty different variants in a polybag!! or would that be overkill?
You Are What You... Are - JaNell & karen
J: What, the chopped liver was too cheesy for the whine?
J: I'm a ham, granted.
k: Has to be asked: so which is it? Chopped liver, or ham? :)
k: -karen (grilled cheese sandwich, at least until the coffee kicks in)
Two Birds With One Stone - Simon Jester & Reg
R: "If Anakin Skywalker met Wesley Crusher, who would you most want to smack across the head?"
S: I'd want to hit Anakin across the head ... WITH Wesley Crusher.
Abstractions - Lady Miss Tree & Loz
LMT: Oh dear, is that the time?
L: No, time is an abstract concept. That's a clock.
Wheel Of Time - Reg, Lady Miss Tree & Pam Basham
R: "There is no such thing as too many books, except in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series."
LMT: Bum. I was going to list those, but I guess they aren't reference books.
P: Absolutely priceless when attempting to decide whether to wear the low-cut gown or the lace cuffs when attending such social galas as appointing yourself Amyrlin or resurrecting dead bad guys. Otherwise, you could build your own cubicle with the set of them.
LMT: And teaching yourself the delicate art of tugging your braid or flouncing out of the room.
LMT: Tug, tug, tug. Flounce, flounce, flounce.
Not-So-Useless Reference Book - Lady Miss Tree & Pam Basham
LMT: Although 'watoto wawili watatosha' may be appropriate in the harem.
P: What does it mean? Do tell.
LMT: "Two boys will do"
LMT: Hey, don't ask me why a phrase like that is in my book...
Picky Picky - Loz & Harvey Lee
L:...And then, from the Kindly Ones, "I'm your worst nightmare ladies, a pumpkin with a gun!" (IIRC).
H: "Lady, I'm your WORST NIGHTMARE--a pumpkin with a gun." -Mervyn Pumpkinhead, Sandman #66
L: Pedant! <g>
Alarm Clock Thingie - Bill2 & bafog1
B: You know, I read his most recent post last night and didn't think anything of it. This morning, however, in my half-awake delirium, I read...
B: "Started shooting today. I'd post something sensible but I'm too exhausted and have a 6.00 a.m. alarm clock thingie set and need to do laundry."
B: ...and couldn't avoid the mental picture of Mousey, stalker extraordinaire, sitting around, glancing at her watch every few minutes, and then banging a gong or something.
b: <hides mallet> ... <pulls out ear plugs> ... <puts on patented Miss Tree 'innocent' look>
b: I'm sorry, did you say something?
LOTR Obsessed - Garry, Christine Marie, Harvey Lee, krisCorrosion, Jenny Jo & Ivory
G: Um, you mean there is actually a sexual component with your LotR-obsession...? That's... wow... kinky...
C: *lowers eyelashes demurely* Is that a bad thing?
H: Depends on where you wear the ring.
k: *cough*pervyelffancier*cough, cough*
JJ: Eh? Who are you calling pervy? There's nothing pervy about it.
JJ: I prefer the term "deviant demihumanophile"...
JJ: (Two shots per round with a longbow...I wonder what else he can do more than once...)
C: *contemplates* So can it still be pervy if it's the Men that one fancies, mostly? Well, and one Scottish hobbit...
C: Never mind. Never let it be said that a thingie couldn't figure out how to make pretty much *anything* pervy.
I: You rang?
Exorcist Needed For Monday Morning Wake-Up Call - Colt & Lady Miss Tree
C: Hm, but how does that explain you speaking Latin backwards and hovering 10 inch above ground...?
LMT: Huh, sounds like a typical Monday morning for me.
One Track Mind - Colt & Christine Marie
C: Colt, just a man, but with a man's, um, you know...
CM: One track mind? not complaining, mind you
C: Maybe because you know how it feels...? :-)
CM: Touche! Thanks for the laugh, first thing--now off to the gym...
Time Travelling Thingies - Reg, Maureen McCarty & anon
R: So folks, when affordable time travel does become viable, what gig or event would you most like to attend?
R: <snip>...and a certain night in the early nineties at the Canal Brasserie in Camden Town when an American pianist met an English comicbook writer.
M: Mind if I join you for that one?
anon: "Neil? Have you noticed that group of people sitting over in the corner? I think they're staring at us."
"Oh God!"
"What? What is it?"
"One of them has gone and invented a time machine."
Hellish Inspiration - Karen McMurray & Lady Miss Tree
K: [*] My choir is rehearsing Franz Schmidt's Das Buch mit sieben Siegeln (Book of Seven Seals), a thoroughly scary piece about the Apocalypse. If St. John the Divine had heard it he wouldn't have had any need for the visions.
LMT: Hell, if St John the Divine had watched "The Sound of Music", the bible would be a very different book indeed.
LMT: [shudder]
LMT: "I am sixteen, going on 666..."
You're going to get it, because we say so. With a banana. And then our brains exploded. On a Tuesday.
Thingie Voice-Over - Lady Miss Tree & Loz
LMT: Who would like to nominate Loz as her narrator.
L: "It's four o'clock in the afternoon and Miss Tree emerges from her nest to forage for food and coffee."
Just Revolting - Sascha, Lance "Squiddie" Smith, Reg
S: Or storm the Winter Palace or fire a torpedo down an exhaust duct or whatever it is one does in a revolution.
L: "Start your own revolution and cut out the middle man"
R: "I'll fight corruption with culture."
S: And I'll do the singing (war people always had musicians with them):
S: *ahem*
"...This is the end of the worl as we know it...."
R: "Yes, we have no mananas
We have no mananas today."
R: (sorry, I can't do diacriticals on this keyboard.)
PS: Neil, if everthing was an incarnation of our dreams, thus from your dreamland, why for god sake did you come up with a Sock Monster eating only one sock? And why did have to live in *my* washing machine?
LoTR Lust, Part the First - Christine Marie
There's also the Whores of the Ring, of which I love the group name, and the fact that Viggo signed one of their T-shirts with "Your bitch, Aragorn," but they're very heavily modded (is that a word?), and you have to fill out a form to be accepted to even see the boards, and there's kind of a party line. So not for me. But I do love the name, and the bitch thing.
But then Viggo is just astonishing all-round.
C: Heh. I knew you'd react to that. Thingies ae sooooo predictable...
(Oh, and loveable. Muchly so.)h: Predictable and loveable.
Kinda like... hamsters.
*nod*
(no, I don't have a clue, either.)
Hooters - Lady Miss Tree & Ivory
LMT:Who needs to watch her figure so that she still fits into the Hooters t-shirt she got for Christmas.
I: That's rather the point of Hooters, that the girls don't particularly fit into their shirts. One size fits all, as long as it's an extra small and the boobies are extra large.
On Bad Words - Jinx & Harvey Lee
J: Man, I totally adore you, but you said the b-word......eeeeewwwwwiiiiiieeeee!!! I hate that word, and I even like the c-word that no women like.
H: Commitment? Oh wait, that's guys.
L: And I'm bad!
(Within reasonable operating parameters of course).R: And within an accepted variance to allow for differing moral standards.
R: And with no implied guarantee of wickedness, villainry or terpitude if not used according to the instruction booklet.
LoTR Lust, Part the Second - Jenny Jo, Christine Marie, Sarah Barmak
JJ: Speaking of...um...sighing...something weird happened to me on the second time through. I'm--I'm starting to find kind of Frodo kind of sexy.
I'm a little unsure of what this means.CM: Uh, you're not dead from the waist down?
S: Yeah, you mean you didn't from the beginning? OK, he does kind of resemble a Backstreet Boy with hairy feet, but he's still hot...my only peeve is his fingernails...
JJ: Well no...it was mainly the height thing that put me off at first. But now I think I've discovered something interesting about myself. I think I'm most attracted to guys who are kind of pale and hung-over looking. It's like the stronger the ring's hold becomes on Frodo, the closer he gets to heroin chic...yummy. (but here, now you see why I was worried about this?) Not to mention the whole tragic element...ohh, the pathos in those blue, blue eyes...
JJ: And as for the nails...I found out from the DVD that those are Elijah Wood's real hands, and that he actually does bite his nails! I remember noticing the nails in the movie and thinking, "wow, what great attention to detail, they even have hobbit hands. I wonder who they got to bit their nails like that?" In a weird way, though, I think it's kind of sweet. A human weakness. And quite appropriate for the ring-bearer, what with his nerves all on edge.
JJ: I also found out those are his real eyes.
JJ: (You know the deal...skin as white as snow, hair as black as ebony--damn, there are no good goths at all in Oxnard, I've sunk to Hot Topic Highschoolers for eye-candy...)
Ta! Am feeling much better now. Although was a bit peeved that the phlegmy-throat stage of the cold, where I could satisfyingly express myself in subhuman grunts and growls, only lasted a few hours.