Page Seven: Remarks 301-350
M: (who saw 3 fuzzy little heads peeking out of the robins nest today!)
R: Wow! I knew Hanson weren't playing the big venues any more, but I had no idea....
Spotted Dick - Lady Miss Tree, Reg & Scott
LMT: Spotted dick, anyone?
R: Haven't seen him in ages.
S: Reg, your belly isn't THAT big...
R: The weather has been very cold here lately.:-P
b: I'm not so much a minion as a minion minder. I see most of the newbies at the store as my personal minions. Now to figure out what exactly to *do* with them.
R: And now I am imagining Michelle's co-workers scurrying around the store in monk's robes saying "Tell us your bidding, mistress." in Peter Lorre voices whilst Michelle reclines on a chaise lounge saying "Bring me the brain of an executed murderer and a mystical, cursed diamond. No, on second thought, I'll have sushi instead."
b: And does it worry anyone else that the first thing to pop into my head at that remark is my own curiosity about a local murder who was caught (he strangled someone and then was later busted trying to buy heroin from an undercover cop)... just wondering how long it would be before his brain would be available for extraction? Does it worry anyone else? Or just me?
R: Keep an eye on Ebay, I'm sure one will be availiable there sooner or later, if not already.
I Despair of Flurbsdays - Reg & bafog1
R: Michelle, if this doesn't go straight to the quotes page, I am a naked four foot tall woman with a lot of cellulite and dental problems.
b: FYI, I copied to the 'ng quotes' folder just before I opened this message.
b: But you're still a naked four foot tall woman with a lots of cellulite and dental problems... but only on odd Flurbsdays.
R: But all Flurbsdays are odd. That's what makes them Flurbsdays. I guess that now I've got an excuse not to leave the house when they occur though.
R: It is true though. I Despair of Flurbsdays.
Forget "Win Tom Galloway's Money", I want to be Tom Galloway when I grow up.
Mobile Phone Contracts of Doom - Loz & Ghost Who Walks
L: Yes, but I was drunk at the time. I thought I was signing for a mobile phone...
G: Oh come on now, that's what they all say...
G: 'It says here; however, that you signed a full confession of the sexual molestation of 27 small furry animals. What do you have to say about that?'
Hard & Floppy - Scott & Ghost Who Walks
S: Sounds like you're just about ready to marry the thing. ;)
G: Yeah, the service is next Saturday. You should see the Floppy drive I get 'er, 2.88 megs. Top of the line, ya know?
G: Ghost, Who was quite surprised when she proposed.
S: Isn't floppy a bad omen for the honeymoon?
G: She's already got 2 nice big hard disks. I just thought I would give her something she could wrap around her little escape key. Symbolic and stuff.
Lesbian Kit - Ravenscroft & Lady Miss Tree
RC: There's a knack to it. You can get quite reasonably priced part-assembled blonde kits these days, but if you intend to Just DIY, remember to use a good-quality marine adhesive, and that the breasts usually go on the front.
LMT: Now that's where I went wrong with that kit lesbian I bought earlier in the year. Damn, I knew I should have followed the instructions that came with her.
Off Your Nut - Jenny Jo, Ghost & Scott
JJ: ~*Pictures you on a nut*~
~*Pictures you getting off of it*~JJ: Hmm.
G: There are usually fanfares and trumpets involved.
S: Oooh.....much like Terry Gilliam animation!
S: (Would that make it a Brazil nut?)
Because Alan Moore Said So - Mute
From the massive, 33-page interview with Alan Moore in the upcoming Egomania #2 (The Magus Speaks) about the use of magic in his work and life:
'So, yeah, while you may come in for criticism from some specific viewpoint or other, since Magic as I understand it is a compact between the individual and his or her own Universe, there is no central authority that anyone has to take notice of if they don't want to. The most powerful magic words that I know, and which I learned from my Mum, are "Because I Said So". '
We have movies with Chris Kattan in them, and you're worried about stopping George Lucas?????
Lady Miss Tree Action Figure - anon, Loz, Scott, Binaryeyes & Christine Marie
anon: "Oooh, I've got the limited edition gold bodypainted Miss Tree!"
L: You ought to see which actions she comes with.
S: That's got to be one of the best straight lines I've ever seen.
S: --Scott-- (and her 42 points of articulation)
B: Oo! Is she a choking hazard?
C: Not unless you're doing it wrong...
What Chicks Dig - Garry, bafog1 & Loz
G: *it's the accent isn't it? chicks dig the accent...
b: Actually, it's the car. Chicks dig the car.
L: Nah, definitely chocolate. Except chocolate cars, which are just weird.
Alright. I've held my peace long enough on this.
The time has come for someone to speak up for the glories of coffee. Real coffee, not the drag-queen coffee-made-pretty that mince around certain large franchise organisations in the North American part of the world, not the coffee-for-dilettentes decaffeinated kind, just the rich, dark, seductive beverage of the gods, preferably brewed by a surly Bedouin camel driver named Ahmed and so strong you need a whip and a chair to keep it in the cup, so thick you can stand a spoon up in it and so heavily caffeinated that one cup will keep you wired for the next three days.
Oh yes, tea is all very well when you want to share a plate of cucumber sandwiches with Lady Arbuthnot, but when the time comes for plotting the overthrow of the current oligarchy or working out the plot of the great colaborative novel which will hold a deep, dark, truthful mirror up to society, you had better call for a round of short esspressos and keep them coming.
Yeah, I've tried coffee, but the taste is like descaling the back of my throat with paint stripper.
Canada Is Cancelled - Colt & Lance "Squiddie" Smith
C: Canada is cancelled.
L: Seems a waste of a lot of good space.
L: I wonder if anyone has told the Canadians. Where will they go now, eh?
The Script That Should Be - Binaryeyes
I keep getting this wild idea that one of these days I'm going to sit down and make a list of everything that didn't happen (Wookies instead of Ewoks, for example), got changed (Greedo shooting first), and should have happened (Luke getting it on with his sister), and I'm going to write a script. About nine movies worth of script.
And then I'm going to get my friends together, and some Super 8/16mm/camcorder/whatever gear, and we're going to make the movies. Yeah, okay, some of the names/places/devices would have to change to prevent me from being killed and eaten by Lucasfilm's genetically modified flesh-devouring apes, but that's life.
The down-side is that I'm a Sam Raimi fan, and I might not be able to resist using excessive amounts of colored Karo corn syrup. Or doing my own stunts. Or poking my friends with sharp sticks, etc. There'd have to be a chainsaw somewhere. Or my car. Or something equally dorky.
Then, I'm going to find some way to get it published. Widely published. Shortly after changing my name and leaving the country for good (so that they never, ever find me).
The Tao Of Tim Tam - Reg & Scott
R: Examine the Tim Tam.
Hold it up to the light betwixt index finger and thumb and
meditate upon its richness and chocolatey goodness.
Examine its contours, its facets and its oh-so-tasty wavey surfaces.
Consider its inviting curvatures.
Let your taste buds be as one with the Tim Tam.
Notice.
There are no points.
I hope this makes things clearer.S: You could release this as "The Tao of Tim Tam".
Will you come and help me with the guinea pigs? When faced with a bowl of water, Hector can do a three foot standing stand jump (usually onto the nearest person, and *always* when he's covered in suds...)
No Food In The House - bafog1 & NightWalker
b: MM & the ^mºe^, who has no food in the house
NW: Not even a scrap to feed a mouse!
"She has no food!" I do declare
All her cupboards and such are bare!She has no fish to fill her plate,
and Wasabi Cthulhu is in a frozen state.
She cannot eat the air she breathes
Will she live? We'll wait, and see.
Is Neil Gaiman A "Cult" writer? - Lance "Squiddie" Smith
Maybe this a horrible misunderstanding. They meant to say "occult writer" and some how it was transliterated into "a cult writer". Just like that whole Bigger than Rod controversy that almost ended the Rutles.
You're going to get it, because we say so. With a banana. And then our brains exploded. On a Tuesday.
Now if I were a techgeek I'd spend around two hours coding a lil' piece of software that would save me the twenty seconds or so it took to type that in. Thankfully I'm not so that leaves me the time free to watch The Matrix again.
Rebooting Tenors - Ravenscroft & Loz
RC: How the hells do you reboot a tenor, anyway?
CTRL-ALT-solar plexus I think.
M: I guess that's to do with me shakin' my pants and putting suckers in fear.
S: Fear that your pants are going to fall down? His shirt was already off on the album cover- who knows what would happen next?
M: Although a curious googling now suggests that I should have been rocking my peers, rather than shaking my pants. Hm.
Yo Arse - Loz & Lady Miss Tree
L: I'm a team now? Go team! Who do you think I am, Madrox the Multiple Thingie? And I can just see this now, in my local offie, "'Scuse me, do you know where I can get some rum, 'as black as midnight's kiss'?" The first person to order absinthe gets a slap, or I may just call the Narn Bat Squad out of retirement to get science-fictional on yo' arses.
LMT: You know, sweetie, I don't think that yo' and arse can be used in the same sentence. I think it needs to be ass. Which we all know is a donkey, but it's the accent that is important here. For emphasis.
Hide Your Poinsettias - bafog1 & Lady Miss Tree
b: Why do I read this as some sort of public service announcement? "Mothers, hide your poinsettias!"... er...
LMT: [with dramatic hand to forehead] Alas, poor dear Poinsettia! The last time I saw her was reclining on the balcony with that cad, Reg.
LMT: I miss her dear, sweet, rosy complexion so...
League of Curmudgeons - Reg & Loz
R: Reg(who became a great-uncle today and is therefore officially allowed to be crotchety, irrascible and eccentric.)
L: Whereas presumerably up to now you had to pay for the privilege...
R: No, I just previously acted without sanction and hoped the League of Curmudgeons would be too busy writing letters to the newspapers, calling talkback radio shows and learning to play "Smoke On the Water" on the paper and comb to track me down.
R: Now I just have to sit back and wait for my membership card and practice the "pulling a coin from the ear" trick.:-)
S: --Scott-- (Tourism Director, Castle Anthrax)
L: The perfect place for a Tuesday.
L: A Spanking! A spanking!
R: Alright gentlepersons!
R: Put down your dead parrots and move slowly away from the shrubbery.
R: And no silly walks!!
S: Reg, why are you dressed like a lumberjack?
Soylent Green Ice Cream - bafog1 & Harvey Lee
b: Ooh, I had some ice cream yesterday. Actually, it was pretty funny. I was hanging out with Sir Bastard and telling him that I had some Soy <pause> Green Tea Ice Cream. Only (and I was hoping for this, but didn't think in a million years that he'd catch on) he heard 'Soylent Green ice cream'.
H: Mmm... Soylent Green...
H: "Now available in vanilla-nut flavour. So for a tasty treat that's good to eat, try Soylent Green. Soylent Green is people. Soylent Green, made from the best stuff on Earth. People." -Bill McNeal, NewsRadio
Oh the joys of hard-disc storage! The bliss of up-to-date plug-ins! And most of all, "stop", "forward" and "refresh" buttons on my browser...rapture!
Normal Sleeping Arrangements - margret & Ravenscroft
m: Will you be looking for a room, or will you be a day tripper? If you need a room, would that be for our entire stay, or only a few days like some of the other Brit-fogs?
RC: At this point, probably a day tripper (which is now looping interminably in my mind, thankyewverymuch.)
RC: Normal sleeping arrangements for my species include:
Face down on the bar
Slumped in the gutter
Upside down in a skip [1]
Snoring gently in a bathtub somewhere.:-)
[1] Dumpster.
Incriminating Photo - Lady Miss Tree, Reg & Loz
LMT: There are many photos as well as incriminating photos of a certain Antipodean thingie at my AHEM 25th birthday party that need to be put up.
R: Sally was at the party and I didn't get to meet her??;-)
R: No?
R: That picture has been altered! It's an impersonator! That is not my hand! Someone spiked my alchohol! I was set up!
R: No, really! It was terribly unfair of that young woman to be placing that kind of cleavage in close proximity to such strong waters which bemuseth a man and make him like unto the beasts of the desert. I was acting on behalf of all male thingies.
R: Oh hell, I was copping a feel. Would you have done any different in my shoes?
Reg(putting spin on the story before the evidence is made public)
L: I thought the point of spin was to try and mitigate the situation, unless of course you are schizophrenic and one half of you is briefing against the other...
Codeword: Tea Party - Jenny Jo, Lady Miss Tree & Loz
I think the problem is partly that nobody wants to host what sounds like a giant frat party in the middle of a quiet neighborhood. If only we could somehow convince them that we are good, quiet, responsible people. Wait...maybe they're reading this now!
So, erm, I am so looking forward to our quaint little..uh..."Tea Party" (wink wink). I do hope that I get to...um...play some lovely parlor games and...well...enjoy some nice crumpets and jam with you lovely, average, sane and respectable ladies and gentlemen of our respective decorous, restrained, and not-at-all-rowdy nations. I only hope that we can escape the awful hooliganism which runs so rampant in London long enough to get a bit of peace and quiet...
Yours respectfully,
Miss J. ReinhartLMT: Ooooh, and Charades! I love Charades!
Loz: <boggles> Has anyone got a working Twister game as well? (I heard the Goth Twister didn't really do well, "Left hand on to the black. No, not that black, *that* black. Alright, the really dark grey then, no *that* one. <sigh>")
Call of Cthulhu - anon, culfin, Loz & Scott
anon: Ask Loz how sharp my sharp and pointies are :)
c: He, he. Are there scars?..
L: Not physical ones.
c: Ah. 2D10 san loss...
S: Can anyone besides me claim actually *being* an NPC in a Call of Cthulhu book? ;-)
S: If you have the 2nd edition of "Escape From Innsmouth", I'm on pg.147. How the hell I ended up working for the US Treasury Dept. under J. Edgar Hoover is beyond me, though.
S: --Scott-- (4d10 SAN loss at mere mention of Scooby Doo movie)
Goth Barbecue - Jenny Jo & Ravenscroft
JJ: (C'mon, even goths have barbecues...)
RC: "Luvverly fresh bat. Onna stick."
RC: My brain just exploded.
Does London Have Any Place To Barbecue? - Loz
No, being a land of mostly rain we have naturally grown to fear fire and distrust those who wield it as sorcerors and witches. Anyone caught with a natural flame outside is tied to a rock and thrown in the nearest puddle to drown.
Walking With Trees - Lady Miss Tree & Scott
LMT: 'Walking With Trees'? Isn't that a BBC documentary?
S: Yes, that was narrated by Kenneth Branagh.
S: "Here we see the Tree in her native habitat, exiting a bookstore and laden with Tim Tams, soon to head back to the nest and perform her daily ritual of relaxing. The Tree is a ferocious TimTamnivore, and woe betide the unfortunate creature who disturbs her territory."
S: (they'd better not bother me either if I'm feasting on Tim Tams)
(And there's the whole James as Foliage thing, but I'm sure we all know that story.)
The Return of Spotted Dick - Jenny Jo
Hmm, it says here to serve your spotted dick with "lashings of hot custard."
I don't think I have to say anything else.
Anything the squirrels tell you are lies. Little furry bastards. It's like a race of small, furry Jewish mothers I swear.
A New Sect - anon, Sascha & Ravenscroft
anon: Yes! Oh yes! Let's make up a new sect, aquire thousands of members, tell them to give us their money, become rich and famous and never ever go to work again!
S: You forgot about the sex. Every true sect has sexual rituals.
RC: Hence the phrase "Sects appeal."
Mmm, Dentist - Loz & Lady Miss Tree
L: Nope not really, yes and yes. It was strange, I obviously couldn't feel anything in the afflicted area but I could see his hand motions and thinking 'wow, surely he shouldn't be able to push stuff up that far, it's only a tooth, it looks like he's pushing it up into my brain!' So, if I have an embolism later this week, you'll know why.
LMT: Either that or the mercury in the amalgam will send you nuts. But then, how will we know? ;>
C: Chris, who's learning SQL madly, but hasn't learned any more about rebooting tenors--no operas at the moment. Maybe next fall when the next season starts, and there are actual tenors around to reboot.
JAC: why wait? all you have to do is find a tenor and give him a good kick in the ass. then do it again. admittedly, i have no idea what this has to do with SQL....
British Technology - JAC, Binaryeyes, Ravenscroft, culfin, Loz, Gothpat
JAC: heh. the British just shouldn't try their hand at technology.
B: *cough* RADAR *cough, cough* ;)
RC: *koff* Colossus *koff* ;-)
c: *Hrumph*, Industrial Revolution, *hrumph*...<G>
L: *Cough* Captain Britain? *cough*
L: *cough* 'U-571' was a load of cock *cough*
G: *cough* Public-key Cryptography *cough*
L: *Heimlich Manouever* George D. Bush. *vomit*
L: I think we win!
L: <runs away giggling>
JAC: paganistically, JAC (who has a twisted humour. in a jar)
b: Is it vitreous? Or possibly aqueous?
JAC: viscious, actually. but you spelled both those right. eithout even the help of a pint of catsblood or candles. *grin*
Master Margret - margret, Binaryeyes & Loz
m: I am now officially a master!
B: *grovels*
L: Yes, I'm ready to order. I'd like a 'woo' followed with a main course of 'hoo!', with 'yay' for pudding and some of your delicious 'you!' coffee.
Thingie Seuss - Lady Miss Tree, bafog1 & tyg
LMT: Who must send batties as thanks for the ratties.
b: Quick! They've been possessed by a cat in a hat!
t: So they're now Thingie One and Thingie Two?
Pug Titles - Pug Ugly & Lady Miss Tree
P: oh oh! I almost forgot!! I got ordained a few years back as well too!
P: I should hold a poll.
P: Father pug?
Monsigor Pug
Sister pug? (you go girl!)
Herbie the Love Pug?
High Puggymuck Piddlesheets?
We are the Pug, We are the Children?P: Anyone have another good idea?
LMT: Our Pug, who art in Vegas, hallowed be thy name...
B: A-wreaking we will go, a-wreaking we will go, hi ho the merry-o, a-wreaking we will go... <grin>
M: Hee hee!!! Is wreaking legal in Minneapolis? ;-)
Do I Have A Backbone? - Jenny Jo
Ermm...I suppose. But I frequently choose not to use it. And it seems to disappear completely where my love-life in concerned...
--Jenny Jo (semi-vertebrate)