Page Five: Remarks 201-250
Blame It On Reg And Soupy Scott - Cassie
...because they were discussing books from the illustrated section of Lucien's library. And so, I bring you this excerpt I was able to snatch from the first pages of _Cthulhu? You Do!_ by Dr. Seuss.
In fabled R'Lyeh had come that foul time,
so they came bearing virgins, and fruit of the vine.
All manner of objects the dark priests did schlep
to summon from dreaming Nylarathotep;
tore the still-beating hearts out of dozens of Goths
to drag into being Shub-Nigguroth.
After hours of dancing and chanting galore,
the borders that kept the dimensions safe tore!
The priests of Cthulhu gazed at their pentacle
in horror, as through it appeared a tentacle!(I would post the whole of the text, but the pages after these were mangled beyond recognition; indeed, I heard Lucien mutter something about it hardly qualifying as a book as he tore it from my hands and booted me firmly back to the waking world.)
Wrong-O-Meter - PugUgly and Lady Miss Tree
P: ACK! My own little man boobies are jealous.
P: Er... in how many ways is that comment... wrong?
LMT: [looks at her Wrong-o-meter]
LMT: [shakes it]
LMT: [frowns at it and then Pug]
LMT: Uh, sweetie? I think you broke it...
Books That Will Never See Print - bafog1, Reg and Scott
b: Actually, I was thinking of "The Crow", as illustrated by Norman Rockwell... but then, I'm a little off sometimes.
R: Well I know Scott has replied to this, but it's not showing up over here on Google yet so I'll just have to jump the thread. I'm now thinking "Little Nemo in Slumberland" with scripts by Hunter S. Thompson and art by Salvador Dali.
S: Interesting. So does Winsor McCay get to illustrate "Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail"?
S: I still think Ralph Steadman would be pefect for a Delirium story.
S: Not a book, but I would like to see the "Rhapsody in Blue" segement of Fantasia 2000 re-interpreted in the style of Will Eisner.
"Resistance is futile. You have been athingielated."
"Loz Pycock" wrote some stuff and then I wrote some stuff and then Loz wrote some more stuff and now here I am, writing stuff again. What is it with me and stuff?
Kids! 'Stuff': Just say No! More addictive than heroin, less sexy than chocolate Angel Delight.
"What we need right now is a War on Stuff!" George Bush snr.
Australian Wildlife Death Statistics - Reg
...but I think a salutary statistic is the fact that more people were killed in the US last year by falling vending machines than were killed in Australia by all our supposedly lethal wildlife.
Boobies Of The World - Loz, Scott and Lady Miss Tree
L: <checks 'Boobies of the world' booklet>
L: Damn tourist office, I can't understand this map...
S: It's in braille ; )
LMT: But only on really cold days.
In other words, Margret kicked our asses. She gets beautiful words such as "pneumoconiosis" and "sapsparillaesque" right off the bat for a big bonus score, while my tiles read "grhywgm", which I susupect may be a Gaelic curse word at best. She seems like such a nice lady, but she's a shark ; )
J: I think it should be a thong of Thingies myself
C: True, but itīs a bit hard on us "th"-challenged Germans... We are the sole inventors of the so-called "wet 'th'". So cover your faces around us...
C: Colt, who zinks he manages ze "th" unfazomably well...
Flame Retardant Undies - Cassie
rec.arts.bodyart, yes indeedy. it's a flame-fest, but one where you can learn a lot if you've asbestos undies.
On Talking Like Ceasar - Reg and Cassie
R: Everyone knows that Catullus is best for summoning up the forces of darkness.
C: there's nothing like saying "that man talks like caesar" to confuse people, either. though to be appropriate it would be "that man, who puts all of the action in a relative clause in the middle of the sentence -- a clause, mind you, that continues a good halfway into the next page, and contains much irrelevant information -- my grandmother once told me never to trust a man who uses relative clauses excessively, talks like caesar."
he's a se
that is, he's a he.
he's not an accusative or ablative latin reflexive pronoun.
Devilish Thingies - bafog1 and Cassie
b: I think your little halo is lopsided...
C: between the cat ears & those dratted horns, the halo never quite goes on straight any more.
's cool. If there's one thing I can really appreciate, it's enthusiasm about getting me presents! <wanders off, humming... "Iiiiiii'm dreaming of a siiiiiiiiigned Neil book, just like the ones I got last June... ">
Wil Wheaton Stole My Lunch Money - Michael W. Dean
It's all good...nothing broken or even bruised. It's just that Wil Wheaton used to steal my lunch money. Actually he didn't, I've never even met him, but it'll be easier for me to rationalize my reaction to him if I can say that he did something to deserve it. So, we're going with the lunch money story for now. Curse you, Wil Wheaton, you thieving bastard!
Biggest Collection Of Neo-Intellectual Badasses In The Known Universe - Christine Marie and Ghost
C: Cool. Because of course this is the big time--we're rather difficult to impress, no?
G: Damn skippy, this is the biggest collection of neo-intelectual badasses in the known universe. We read, we write, we do artsy shit.. we work, we love, we weep... we impress ourselves with our well readedness and stunningly good looks... we crack jokes, we laugh at ourselves, we laugh at the world... all while mantaining sparkly clean breath and nearly perfect articulation. Usually at least. And some of us even have cool hair. Damn it.
C: Yes?
G: I fit at least come of those criteria... want me to get you in contact with the Sniper of Love? He makes house calls... Awww yeah...
C: Hey, we're all geeky inside--it's just a matter of embracing your inner geek.
G: I'd rather embrace your... err.. nevermind... Heh. Ghost, Embracing Women's Outer Beauty Everywhere.
Spinny Purple Closets? - bafog1 and Ghost
b: the closest I have is a spinny purple globe with glitters and swirls in it.
G: Damn, again... I had to read that half a dozen times before I could make myself see you weren't talking about a closet. I kept thinking, damn, and here mine is just a place to put my shoes and stuff. I was jealous.
P: Dialect coach for Ms. Basham: Loz Pycock.
L: repeat after me;
Arsebiscuits.
Arsebiscuits.
Arrrrrrs-bss-ktts.
Examples of use; Violent exclamation after stubbing toe, realising you've forgotten to do something.
Out Of Context, For Your Reading Pleasure - Cassie
you're flute-free in my head.
The Future Of Weather - Sally, Cassie and Reg
S: If you could take some of the heat from Brisbane it would be much appreciated.
C: you can have our freezing rain/snow. i'll mail it.
R: Cassie, you have scary powers over the mail because that snow and freezing rain arrived here the day before you mailed it. Admittedly, the snow was only on the high peaks and it missed Brisbane by a couple of thousand miles, but it's January dammit! It just doesn't snow in January. Ever!
On The Usefulness Of A Cloak Of Many Colours - Reg and Ravenscroft
R: That occured to me too and it must be said that one thing a cloak of many colours doesn't go well with is Andrew Lloyd Webber music. Then again, what does?
R: Gunfire.
Loz, Queen of the Desert - Loz
<watches 'Priscilla; Queen of the Desert' just to build up the right level of indignation>
YOU BITCH!!!!
<and relax>
You Lost Your *What* On The Internet? - Cassie
i think it involves the phrase or concept "losing one's lozinity".
(original post): It started off as in 'stop faffing about' ie 'stop messing about', I think it was a police version of 'fuck'
(reply post): Obviously I meant 'polite' as I believe the police version of 'fuck' is indeed 'fuck'...
On Beatles and Annie - bafog1 and Reg
b: -MM & the ME, who loves to confuse people by mixing up her 'yesterday' with 'tomorrow' sometimes
R: I imagine you have had a few complaints from Beatles fans about that.:-P
Flurbsdays - Reg, bafog1 and Loz
R: "I hate Flurbsdays!" she says to the flock of winged violins.
b: Flurbsdays? What the heck are those? ;)
L: Honestly, its Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Tuesday II, Flurbsday, Thursday, Friday, Steve('Call me Steve')day, Saturday, Sunday, Moist. Didn't you learn anything at school?
Topic Of The Next Reality Show - bafog1 and Sally
b: -MM & the ME, who now wishes the veggies hadn't gone so bad
S: Sounds like a dodgy reality TV show.
S: "When veggies go bad"
"Tonight sucks! And, and look at me! Look at, look at stupid Buffy! Too dumb for college, and, and, and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. And, and my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears even *before* the hour that wouldn't end! And the only person I can even stand to be around is a ... neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker."
Sorry, I had to...
Posting In Rhyme - Luke Hodgson and Reg
L: Just remember, when it comes to a hard earned Tim-Tam. You can get it readin', you can get typin', you can get it sellin' a cow.... as a matter of fact, I'll have one now...
R: You evil bastard Luke! Now I have the voice of the late, great John Mellion talking in rhyme stuck in my head and I loathe Vic Bitter.
R: "You can get it lurking, you can get it shirking,
the feeling when your modem speed slows to five.
You can get it posting, you can get it hosting
or surfing till you forget you're alive.
You can get it modeing, you can get it codeing or downloading til your hard drive bursts.
You've sure got a thirst,
You can get it drinking, you can get it thinking, you can get it any old how.
Matterafact, I've got it now.
A hard earned thirst needs the best NG
And the best NG is this:
Alt.fan.thingie"
Multiple Postiness - Sascha and Harvey Lee
S: You surly wanted everybody to understand this post. It came three times *chuckle*
H: Ahhh, the joys of a multiple postgasm. ;-)
Duran Duran Book - Reg and Lady Miss Tree
R: It is a bio/profile type book written back in the days when Neil was a starving freelance journalist. He has described it as the only book he ever wrote purely for the money. It is not a book for reading. It is a book for taking to a signing so Neil can shake his head and write "One from the vault" and sign it and recognise that you are a rabid completist.
LMT: Hey, I resemble that comment!
R: It is also the only one of Neil's works which I have not the sightest interest in owning.
LMT: Yeah, but you've still read it. :P
The Best Way To End Your Sentences - Sally and Lady Miss Tree
S: And then my brain exploded.
LMT: You know, I think I'm going to finish all my sentences with that phrase.
LMT: "I rang the client and they wanted to test with 72 users over six days. And then my brain exploded."
"Hang on, I just need to put another load of laundry on. And then my brain exploded."
"Does anyone know what happened to the remote? And then my brain exploded."LMT: Lady Miss Tree, And then my brain exploded
Tim Tam Multiple Postgasm - bafog1, Lady Miss Tree and Loz
b: I hit send... nothing happened. I logged off the newsgroup with the message in my outbox. Nothing happened. I logged back in and it was still in my outbox, never having been sent. I finally decided to check my outbox more thoroughly and when I opened it, the message was gone...
b: So it wasn't my doing.
b: The Tim Tams were simply speaking through my computer.
b: They want to be eaten.
b: Why do I see this as a talk show discussion? "Tim Tams possessed my computer: When desserts take run of your appliances"
LMT: This is a Tim Tam broadcast.
LMT: Do not adjust your screens.
LMT: Surrender to the Tim Tams.
L: All your Tim-Tam are belong to us!
On Marsupials Whipped And Chained - Lady Miss Tree and Mute:
LMT: I dunno, bondage marsupials are going to be hard to beat...
M: But they appreciate the effort.
LMT: Damn, I just painted a big ol' target on that, didn't I?
Not Complete Arse - Sally and Lady Miss Tree
S: "ladymisstree.com - not complete arse"
LMT: That might have been the nicest thing anyone has said about it. ;>
From Hell, The Movie - Sally, Cassie and Mute
S: I saw From Hell the other day. It wasn't as bad as Eddie had led me to believe.
C: i found the experience quite improved by commenting loudly to everyone in the theatre at appropriate times, "this would make MUCH more sense if you hadn't SKIPPED CHAPTER FOUR."
C: of course, i don't think anyone else in the theatre was very enlightened by this.
C: what did shock me is that one group of people left after the first violent incident. i mean, what do you expect in a movie about jackthe ripper??
M: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA <snipped to conserve web page space>
tyg: (Waiting for the upcoming stuffed Streaky the Super-Cat and Beppo the Super-Monkey to arrive so I can team 'em up with the stuffed Krypto the Superdog and Ace the Bat-Hound and have 'em go up against Cthulhu, Mojo Jojo, and the Brain).
Useless for Usenet - SorinRoke
Could you perhaps come over to kick a certain Amsterdam cable company's arse?
Their helldesk hasn't even heard of usenet yet :(
"Usenet?"
"Yeah, usenet"
"usenet.com or usenet.nl?"
"Argh, I just want my news man!"
"Eh, why don't you try cnn.com?"
"Die."
The Guinea Pig Vs. Loz - Sally and Anna
S: I used to have guinea pigs. They all died in horrible ways.
A: So you *have* met Loz then ... :)
FS: Neil Gaiman Collection - Rare OOP - bafog1, Lance "Squiddie" Smith, tyg, Lady Miss Tree and Harvey Lee
b: Someone's selling their collection of Neil Gaimans? I don't even have one!
L: I didn't look, but does it come with the rare non-black variant Neil? How about the "Party Neil" where he isn't wearing a black T-shirt? It's supposedly common, but I have yet to see Viking Neil.
tyg: Angel Neil is, of course, the most common variant. The Spawn Neil is just impossible to find these days.
LMT: I hear he's very articulated...
LMT: Still hanging out for the ultra-rare Jill Thompson Raver Neil variant, complete with 'Twat in the Hat' accessories.
H: This the one with the glow-in-the-dark bits? Sweeeeet.
Adventures In The Thingie Trade - Lady Miss Tree, shira and Bala Menon
LMT: o_o o_o o_o >_< O_O
LMT: Well, bugger me.
s: An explanation would be most appreciated...
BM: The relevant quote from Neil on page 231:"Message in from Ms. Tree of Melbourne, Australia, asking why it hasn't been mentioned in this blogger that she came all the way down from Melbourne, Australia, to get to the LA signing. And here am I, mentioning the people who came up to Vancouver from Portland, or down to Bristol from Preston, and I never mentioned her. And I didn't mention the people who flew in from Singapore either. Bad Neil. Wicked Neil."
BM: (Two of a variant set. Collect all four, along with Evil Neil and Angelic Neil)
Double Entendre - Lady Miss Tree, Colt and Reg
LMT: Off for a stiff one. Or three.
C: <Shatner-mode> Must... resist... obvious... comment....
R: <Borg mode> Resistance is futile.
R: Reg(who awards Miss Tree this week's "Mrs Slocombe's Pussy" award for double entendre on the ng)
"I've got something hard in my pants for you."
" What? Have you got the Times' crossword in your pocket?"
Excuses, Excuses - Cassie and Loz
C: cassie, with a mental image of a lovely hand with red nails holding onto a smirnoff ice... attached to a large blur. *sigh*
L: Ahhh, the perfect excuse for why I seem to spill more than I drink...
Buying plushies for Miss Tree certainly gives value for money anyway. You get to watch her instantaneously transform into a three year old. It is very cute.:-)
I'm still waiting to see the pictures of Cthulhu rising from the depths of my pint of Killkenny though.
Reg(digesting the child within)
"Yes sir. My what a large sword you have sir. I am completely sorry about what I said about your kilt, sir."
We Must Be Too Used To Tuesdays - bafog1 and Lady Miss Tree
b: taking photographic evidence
LMT: I read this as 'taking pornographic evidence' and you know what? I didn't even bat an eyelash.
Progress Quest - NightWalker and Binaryeyes
NW: Just be cautious of those damn Porn Elementals.
B: I always wanted to be a Pornomancer. In real life. *giggle*
B: We had the game system worked out on paper. . .
B: 'Hero walks to site of an unjust battle and casts Power Word: Nookie'
B: Binaryeyes. Everybody leaves happy if you're a Pornomancer
Cloning Chrises - SorinRoke, Christine Marie and Mute
SR: Chris
CM: The other Chris. No, not that one either--the *other* other Chris
Mute: Who?
On Thingies Grand And Marvelous - Cassie
pretend, for a second, that you're not wonderful people.
(yes, i know it's hard.)
but just pretend.
because i was taking stock of all the things i have and know and love because of thingies today. magnetic fields and timtams and tuesdays and wee fuzzy cthulhus and ellison and gloomcookie and alan moore and... well, i could go on for hours.
i've seen cities i never would have seen in ways i never would have looked at them anyway. i can travel with a sense of knowing someone almost anywhere i'd want to go.
thingies.
wow.
thanks.
Confused Reply - Cassie and Loz
C: cassie, with her reply settings on straight finally
L: I didn't notice them being particularly gay or anything.