Page Two: Remarks 51-100
CBLDF Cruise goes Titanic? - Lucy Anne & Scott
L: who tried to figure out ways all the comics pros on the CBLDF cruise could band together to save the ship when a fanboy decide that the only way he was going to be able to break into the industry was to torpedo it with a stolen submarine.
S: Simple. use McFarlane's ego to patch the gaping hole in the side of the hull ; )
Neil's Shopping List - Margret (Dreaming)
- silver pens
- black t-shirts
- sunglasses
- obscure book
- more black t-shirts
- bread
- milk
- kitty litter
- *don't forget to pick up black t-shirts from cleaners
To Buffy or Not to Buffy - Dylan V.
Neil: Hiya.
Buffy: Hiya yerself. (scans Neil from top to bottom and lower) I might as well be rude, but do you have real eyes behind those sunglasses?
Neil: Uhm, last time I checked, yes. You a Corinthian-fan?
Buffy: No, I kill vampires.
Neil: Beats writing sestina's I guess.
The Lady Miss Tree Thingie B&B - Reg
Miss Tree's is a charming bijou establishment minutes walk from one of Melbourne's leading shopping and nightlife precincts. Ideally located close to public transport it provides an ideal base of operations for most thingie activities in the city. The proprietrix is a constant source of ideas and cheerfully offers guidance to the visitor unfamiliar with local attractions. Visitors should also make a point of perusing the extensive library during their stay. Whilst the reviewer cannot personally pass judgement on the specialities of the kitchen, Thai Chicken Soup and Sticky Date Pudding, their reputations speak for themselves.
Fear and Loathing: To the Bay! - NightWalker
"We were somewhere outside Los Banos near the edge of the 152/Gilroy cutoff when the drugs began to take hold....We had two pockets full of E, about seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five vials of high-powered engineered liquid LSD, and a whole galaxy of multicolored condoms, uppers, downers, herbal rems...also a quart of tequila, a quart of scotch, a case of Guinness, a pint of ether, and two dozen nitrous bags...but the only thing that worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible than a Thingie in the depths of an ether binge..."
Chocolate Goes Straight To The Thighs - Ivory and Harvey
I: Is it true that Thai food goes straight to your thighs?
H: No, it's chocolate. Watch.
<takes bottle of chocolate syrup>
<holds bottle upside down>
<squeezes bottle>
<syrup flows>
<veres towards Morgana's thighs>
<splat>
See. Now if you'll excuse me...
<puts on bib>
<kneels>I: Oh my god! You evil, gorgeous flaming
man! ....are you gonna finish that?
New Neil Musical? - Chris Shumway
Maurice Chevalier, Neil Gaiman, and eroticism. Now THAT's a musical I'd want to see...
"Assholery:(noun)(colloquial) Actions or behavior consistent with being an arseshole. (root:asshole(American corruption of arsehole))"
-Reg's Thingie Dictionary
Relationships - Tucker McKinney
Well, so far my relationship with my parentheses has been far more fulfilling than my last one with a partner of the human persuasion... I mean, they're there whenever you want them- and I do mean -whenever-, and should you want a change you can always throw in a pair of comma's, or even bracket's... then when you're ready for the parentheses again- boom, they're back. As for returned affection, I think the value of the time spent together speaks for itself. And besides... I've found that there's a whole lot of excess baggage that goes along with human-to-human relationships Of course, with the women I've been with lately, it goes without saying that I would prefer punctuation, but, that's a whole 'nother story...
ok, one hint:
don't offer to buy my soul when i'm obviously offering it to michelle. =p it's bad form. pretty much any time anyone wants to sell their soul (and isn't that usually to the devil and not the anti-christ?), they aren't going to wander down to the crossroads at midnight and offer their soul to wesley smithson. folk are usually specific about that sort of thing.
A New Visual for Red and Green - Poppy Z. Brite
>4. What's a word that means red and green at the same time? (feel free to get creative)
A Usenet newbie who's just posted something embarrassing ("So is that Sandman dude supposed to look like The Crow er whut?"). OK, that's way more than "a word," but brevity has never been my strong suit.
Anti-Up - Doc Vacation and NightWalker
DV: OK, so I'm the ANTI-CHRIST/MOHAMMED, Larry is generell purpose ANTI-MESSIAH and Reverend Nightwalker is AMAZING ANTI-ATHEIST/AGNOSTIC-MAN (with planetdestroying powers!)
NW: ..but an Anti-Atheist would be...
NW: Nevermind. I'll just be the Social Nihilist in the corner with the mop, bucket, and tacnukes. The Anti-Humanist if you will... (with Kung Fu Grip!).
Muppet Neverwhere - Jinx &Tentree
Jinx: who always thought that Piggy might be a passable Hunter j/k
T: Oh great. Not I have this image in my mind of Gonzo as deCarebas that I can't exorcize...
T: Tentree, who thinks Statler and Waldorf (the two old guys in the box) would make an excellent Croup and Vandemar
I always knew he was a he (and a foppish, ludicrous little poinjay at that)
<and then in a later post>
<Sigh> That's POPINJAY. Why must we always make the most egregious typos when we are attempting to produce the cleverest- sounding insults?
To Be Filed With PZB's "Favrourite Internet Rumours About Myself - Loz & PZB
PZB: Kim Newman is a gypsy and he put a curse on me? Details, please. I may need to call out my Voodoo priestess.
L: What worries me is how he got hold of your bodily fluids...
PZB: Oh, *ick.* Just the thought ...
L: ...In other news, writer Poppy Z. Brite announced her intention to quit writing and join a nunnery. Although she refused to give specifics Ms. Brite alluded to 'encountering something more horrible than anything I have written about ever.' Police have asked her to share it with Anne Rice and Jeffery Archer 'for the good of literature everywhere'. Now here's Ted with sport...
Pleasant Dreams, Mother-Fucker - Neil, as posted by m.e.
"If they ever make the Sandman movie, who's your choice for the lead characters? Other people can have so much more fun than I can at this game because you can just not think about it. My worry is I'll say something and then the next thing I know, a casting agengy will already be casting people.I do have my nightmare, of course, ...is miscasting. I have had, at one point, Roger Avery was telling me he went in for his first meeting, back when he was going to direct it, the people at Warner said to him, 'Now you understand Roger, you can cast anybody you want to cast in this, your movie, you're the casting guy.... Brad Pitt.' <that's what I heard, anyway>. And then he got fired. But really, my nightmare is that one day the phone will ring, and it will be some guys in Hollywood, and they'll say, 'Hey Neil, hey guy, how ya doing? You sitting down? You're gonna want to sit down for this. Okay, you sitting down? We got Arnie. You got it kid. ' Pleasant dreams mother-fucker."
Neil on various online forums from an article I did for Internet World magazine circa 1994 or so on celebrities on the net, Neil being one of the people I interviewed for it:
"Genie is quiet and polite, the equivalent of chatting in a nice hotel lobby, with cups of tea and palm fronds. Compuserve is more like a convention, with lots of conversations going on at once. Usenet reminds me of a University Student Union Bar ('Look, yah, I mean what Keirkegaard was saying was, oh gross Sharon, no-one wants to see your tattoo, well gosh, if you're buying I'll have another pint')."
Cold Colours Brainstorm - Negligence
Oh! I love Cold Colors! Let's brainstorm!
Theme:
Computers as magic, like Luna says, but, more then that. Computers as black magic! The pigeon, the chalk circle, the wards. Holographic Hell in London town, trains ferrying the good people to varies 'heavens'.
Computers as evil/creating an evil world: The black magic thing. Every thing has a price. Download spirits from your local bulliten board. Humans replaced by machines. References to Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, demons, the downfall of the church (Look it's not your fault...if prayers could be networked...if saintware were up and running...) The Demons selling pirated shit, hell...even Mephistopheles is selling something! The noise and "This is Hell, and I want out of it".
The real theme: Corruption. How do I know? Neil told me (look in the introduction).
Another theme: "Things seemed simpler before we kept computers" No, maybe that's not a theme, but, a point.
Recap: Actually, everything has a price and even the demons and the devils are selling. Then the references to noise, corruption and getting out. There is your paper right there! Overall thang is an electric hell of coruption that the character wants to get out of. Sorry, if I had time I would've made my thought more coherent :)
The store I work at in NY just got in In the Shadow of the Gargoyle, and it's in the Ingram Advance (their version of Previews) for Oct., so it's very new. ($12, ISBN 0441005578) Usually I tell people if you only want a collection for one story, you might as well read it in the store first, but you may not want to with "How Do You Think It Feels?"...
"What they hell are you reading, Lucy?"
Looking up at Linda, my co-worker "Oh, nothing."
"You're turning fushia, babe."
"Give me that." Matt, who is usually the sensitive ponytail guy, grabs the book from me, and starts to read it aloud.
"Her labia were engorged, purple, full and long, and they opened like a flower to my mouth as I began to lick her." he quoted. I pulled the book out of his hands, embarassed.
"What is in that book?" he asked me, laughing.
"A bunch of short stories about gargoyles", I answered.
"Sure, Lucy. Only you would be able to find gargoyle porn."
It's a paraphrasing of what happened, but it made buying the damn book before I went home that night pretty difficult.
On a vaguely related note, in "The Galllery" section (the author notes) at the back of the collection, Neil lists his hobbies as "sleeping and eating". <g>
Endless Plushies - Lucy Anne & Reg
LA: I was surprised that there hasn't been a Dream plush, but I guess they're waiting on the sales for the first two.
R: I'm sorry hon, but Dream just doesn't have that cuddliness factor. His character is all prickles and spikes and hard edges.
LA: Even if it lacked the cuddly factor, I would very much like to be able to throw Dream (in effigy, at least) across the room when he blesses me with one of his more glorious nightmares.
R: As for the rest of the Endless, the Desire plushy would require batteries, the Despair woud have to be constantly damp and have an odd smell, the Destruction would have to be seven feet tall and the Destiny would have to be designed to slip through your fingers every time you thought you were holding it.
Of Mice and Lager - Reg and Lady Miss Tree
LMT: YAY! I'm glad poor Fate is feeling better!
R: Indeed. I think most of us here have some emotional investment in the well-being of the Mousey Endless. They are the foster-pets of the entire newsgroup.
LMT: The amusing thing was, 'pissed' means drunk down here and I thought you had been feeding the poor thing Sandeman port or something.
That was my first thought on reading the header too. I had visions of a small white figure staggering around the mousecage slurring its squeaks and telling anyone who'll listen that they're the best mate it's ever had.
More Fun With Buffy On afn-g - Lady Miss Tree, Maria Siu-Lee and Doc Vacation
LMT: Welcome to the Land of Sand, sweetie. Play nicely with the other thingies, mind the sharp and pointies and bring an open mind every Tuesday. Oh, and don't mention the Buffy thing too much, the non-believers here get SO touchy. ;>
M: <sotto voce reflex action bloodymindedness>buffybuffybuffybuffybuffy
DV: <adopt Willow voice>....and this one time, in the nwesgroup Tree said Buffy and, like, Maria totally broke down, and then this one time...
Crosscultural Language Barriers - creativetype, Lady Miss Tree, Larry and Reg
c: Lady Miss Tree- Were you at Concat last year with the thingies? Did we meet? :-}
LMT: Yup, I was there. I was the one with the large Key to Hell on a leather thong and the black framed glasses.
L: 0_0 0_0 0_0 0_0 >_< o_0?
L: I really should start going to more conventions.
R: Okay, I'll step in as cultural translator on this one. When Miss Tree says "leather thong" she actualy means a leather strap around her neck. Think of it as an A-string, like a G-string except slightly higher.
Evil Pun Thread Returns - Scott, NightWalker and Larry
S: Well, that takes balls.....
NW: Let's not go nuts on the puns again, ok?
L: We should really keep the nutty puns in the sack.
Isn't Neil A Scorpio? - MmMelpomene
>8. Which of Neil's works (or which part) has moved you most, and why?
This little bit on Simon Le Bon in "Duran Duran..." always makes me smile: "He is a scorpio, traditionally the most passionate, sexual, intense, and secretive sign of the zodiac." Considering Neil's own birthdate, I find it more than a little amusing. Don't know if it's particularly moving though.
The Art of Procreation - baFOG#1 and TwilightAmy
bF: Funny, I thought sex and rape and pregnancy and disease existed long before TV, or did "God" invent TV and then we learned how to procreate from that?
T: Oh God, you are so totally wrong. People never had babies before marriage until the 1960s, nor did they ever have sex for pleasure. And you think there were them silly faggots before the 1980s? God you are SO WRONG. </sarcasm>
Thingie Wagering - MmMelpomene and Ghost
MmM: (sees your odd meanings and a little gibbrish with a bible referance and some dandy alliteration [not at all in that order] and calls...go ahead Ghost, your chips are on the table...whatyagot?)
G: *Counters with a story of a young man that is told from a first person point of view and may or may not bear mention of the four horsemen.. that was hastily written at work..*
MmM: Holy Moses! I fold! You have officially taken me.
The REAL Reason People Kill - Lady Miss Tree, Mute and Reg
LMT: There was a very brief flurry after a massacre here where the media tried to blame the guy's video collection. But that was quickly squashed because most of us were smart enough to realise that he was absolutely barking mad in the first place and nothing more was said. I don't even remember what it was he was watching.
M: Actually, it was dropped by the media when it turned out that they were mainly 1950s Hollywood musicals... and they weren't even his.
LMT: See! Goth music isn't the end of civilisation! Borrowing 50s Hollywood musicals will cause you to shoot your neighbours!
LMT: Quick, someone go crucify Esther Williams!
R: This actually raises an interesting point. If movies are so influential on the behavior of their viewers, why are there so few records of spontaneous mass song and dance routines in the streets from the forties and fifties or statistical evidence to show an increase in pie throwing and people falling on their arses during the heydey of slapstick in the 20s?
A Plug For Poppy Z Brite - Twilight, PZB, NightSnake and Lance "Squiddie" Smith
T: The only "celebrity" I was ever truly obsessed with was Poppy Z. Brite.Unfortunately, I met her and she dashed my dreams.
PZB: You mean you wouldn't fuck me just because I had a fake leopard coat and a fat husband? >;>
NS: You are cool. I HAVE to read more of your stuff.
PZB: There was a special hypnotic message embedded in that post: "BUY AND READ POPPY'S BOOKS ... BUY AND READ POPPY'S BOOKS ... BUY *MULTIPLE COPIES* OF POPPY'S BOOKS AND FORCE THEM UPON YOUR FRIENDS ... "
L: It was better than Cats. I'll read it again and again...
ThingieFuck: The Dream Orgy - Lucy Anne
(Insert funky guitar music with wah wah pedal on here). And then the title flashes on the screen, in two foot high letters:
ThingieFuck: The Dream Orgy
Starring:
Larry, the Other Purple(Man)Meat
Night(Trouser)Snake
Madame (Yes, Mistress!)Melpomene
Harvey (The Shaft) Lee
and Ivory as The Man with the Golden Ass.
Do You Chew Your Pens? - Ivory and Harvey Lee
I: :::raises hand::: Umm where do I apply?
I: Ivory (waiting with...uh...pen in hand)
H: I hope you're not the type that chews the end. o_O
I: Whether I do or not isn't important, the fact that I can is more interesting. You went there my friend ;)
Real Beauty's On The Inside - Sally and NightSnake
S: I'm sure I have lovely entrails, thankyou very much.
NS: Hehe.. You got that "inner beauty" thing going on ?
T.S. Elliot Has Competition - Reg
<on the naming of cats>
How about Shangfinndartenbekinthrop?
Or if that seems too much of a mouthful, what about a nice literary reference? Sheer Khan seems to fit a tiger stripe, (if you're into Kipling,) or if you want to get really literary, what about Jeoffrey as an allusion to eighteenth century English poet Christopher Smart's poem "Jubilate Agno" about his cat of that name? (You can even do a "Six Degrees of Gaiman" thing with this one, since Douglas Adams wrote his degree paper on the works of Christopher Smart, and Neil wrote a book about Douglas' work.)
If you want to wierd people out you could call him Rover or Fido.
If you want him to feel insecure, call him " Number fifteen with black-bean sauce".
If you want him to come when you call him, you'll have to call him an unwritable name that sounds exactly like a tin of catfood opening.
For The Love of Thingies - NightSnake
Which reminds me, there was a question I never got around to answering:
>3. In 20 words or less, why is Neil the Chosen One?
Because without Neil, I would never have met the wonderful bunch of people who hang out in the Sandbox.
There you go. Kind of a strange angle, but it's just so true. I love all of you :-)
Australian Jingle Invasion - Lady Miss Tree, sparrow and Sally
sparrow:
Weeeeere
happy little vegemiters bright as bright could be
we all enjoy our vegemite for breakfast lunch and tea ....LMT:
Our mummy says we're growing stronger every single week
Because we LOVE our vegemite
We all ADORE our vegemite
It puts a rose in every CHEEEEEEEK!
LMT: Thank you very much. I'll be here through Thursday. Try the
fish.LMT: Who is known to break into the Aeroplane Jelly song and is also
renowned for international classics such as the Oscar Meyer
weiner theme.Sally:
I like aeroplane jellyyyyyyyyyy
Aeroplane jelly for meeeeeeeeeeee!LMT:
I like it for dinner, I like it for tea
A little each day is a good re-ci-pie!
I like aeroplane jellyyyyyyy
Aeroplane jelly for meeeeeeeeee!LMT: See, it just doesn't rhyme right when you call it jello.
Silly 'merkins. ;>S: Sally, who thinks jelly is much better than vegemite.
LMT: Depends on the jelly. And the proportions of vodka you use.
The Joy of Taking Things Out Of Context - Ghost
Standing there in my underware it never dawned on me the thing could possibly be a venomous snake, I just wanted my damn pants.
I like this :"Gaiman's legion of fans--a rabid cult of True Believers"
Hey everyone, we've become a rabid cult!
On Gob-Smacking Neil - MmMelpomene
ooh, you should have seen his face when I said, "Did you know that on a recent poll of just over 5 hundred thousand women, 7 chose you as their highest sex option of all time? That means more than one out of every hundred thousand girls wants to *do* you!"
He went *way* beyond slightly confused and very inquisitive. In fact, the poor man turned a very nice shade of red that I had never seen before. I think I would be very happy if I could get socks in that color. And he said, "I am utterly gob smacked". I left Neil Gaiman speechless. I don't think I could ever find anything to sign that would rival that moment.
Love And The Endless - MmMelpomene
Here. Gonna quote *the* man himself.
When asked how love interplays in the world of the endless:
"...love isn't quite desire... Love is probably a little bit in The Sandman's domain. Love is partly a dream, it's partly to do with desire, and sometimes it's partly to do with death, as well. It's also very often something to do with delirium..."
A Different Take On Snow White - Lady Miss Tree
Hie ho, hie ho,
It's off to kill we go
We've got a taste for human flesh
Hie ho, hie ho, hie ho, hie ho...
How To Deal With Stupid People - Lady Miss Tree, Colt and Reg
LMT: Who is going to implement an IQ test for her clients. "No, I'm sorry, I can't work for you. You are too stupid."
C: LOL! Good idea. Would apply to bosses as well, slightly altered: "You are too stupid to be my boss, you´re fired."
R: I almost said exactly that today, although it was really the whole upper management of the company that was too stupid to work for.
R: "Wait, so I'm telling you I've got another job on roughly 15% better money, half as far from home, with a company which might have some vague idea how to run a despatch department and you're telling me that to get me to stay you'll offer me a guarantee of six more months in the shambles you call a warehouse, for the same miserable pittance, working for a manager with the IQ of yeast and the interpersonal skills of a Pitbull on bad acid? What colour is the sky in your world?"
R: My favorite moment was the above mentioned manager telling me "It's not about the money." before assuring me that they weren't prepared to offer any more to keep me. Maybe it wasn't about the money to the company, but I know I wasn't turning up because I was passionate about air conditioners.
Thingie Nighties And A Lack Thereof - Lady Miss Tree and Harvey Lee
LMT: I believe I have already answered this question, but for the record, a smile. Jim jams just get me all tangled up and I developed the unique skill of undressing in my sleep.
H: O_O O_O O_O O_O O_O O_O O_O O_O O_O O_O >_< O_o
H: Sleepover at Tree's!!! ;-)
Tree As NightTease - Doc Vacation
Don't displease the tree's that tease at night and please do seize the chance to appease before you're squeezed
Really Cool Sharp And Pointies - Larry and <Night>Cassie
L: I have a cheap-o pocket knife, a Swiss Army with just about everything on it except a tactical nuclear weapon (snip)
C: One of my friends had the one with a microwave and a minor deity. =] That was cool.
Beware Things That Jiggle In The Night - Colt
"JELLO GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!!"
Fun With Fratboys - MmMelpomene and Silth
MmM: So, you havent lived until you've seen a drunken frat boy vacuuming the carpet while dancing to Eminem and sporting a loaded gun shoved down the front of his shorts.
S: *Paging Hunter S. Thompson...*
Walker On "Garth", His Evil Twin - Ekaterian and NightWalker
E: And he told me about the cat/neighbour kid/lawnmower incident as well. Shame on you Nightwalker
NW: Hey, that was ALL him. He had just finished reading King's 'Lawnmower Man', and Garth had this silly idea of creating a hybrid wheelchair/lawnmower... se he grabbed the neighbor kid and his wheelchair, did some modifications, and on the test run... well...
NW: BRRRRZZZZZZZ......REOW!<SPLAT>
NW: Totally not my fault. Mine was the watermelon, the stiff neck of a goose, the naked French prostitute, and the swivel table.
NW: and I was atoning her for sins, get those naughty thoughts out of your head... sheesh!
Unsavoury Ice Cream Flavours - shira and Jouniac
s: Elephant spunk flavoured ice cream!!!
J: Right. Doesn't taste that good, but Jaysis, you should see how they make it!
Intercontinental Thingie Fight - Anja, Sally and Doc Vacation
A: outsch! <ducks away and tries to escape Reg who throws little meatballs at her...>
S: <Sally joins in and throws kangaroos>
DV: You're surrounded. Drop your Marsupials and surrender.
Passionate About Our Pasta - Anja, Doc Vacation and Sally
A: Wow. Good job, Doc, you've caught her all alone, I'm impressed. But you shouldn't wrap her in chains and get her to jail before she confessed where she has hidden the pasta.
DV: Flash:
mental picture
Conan the Babarian setting, Sally in Chains, Anja in Xena outfit
Anja: Tell me where you have hidden the pasta
Sally: The pasta never shall be yours
Anja: My people need this pasta!
Sally: This pasta is not for you, and never shall you have it
Anja: We have ways of making you talk! (Yeah, wrong genre, I know)S: Sally: Do your worst! I will never give in! The pasta is mine, I tell you. MINE!!!! <maniacal laughter>