cruel and unusual PUNishment

Otherwise known as "Scott's home away from home". Thingies can be rather crafty little wordsmiths, quite clever when put to the challenge (or was it 'quite challenged when put to being clever'?) - but only in the most cringingly satisfactory manners.

Shakespearean Puns
Bovine Humour
Porno Puns
Birth Of A Webpage
Multilingual Pun?
Something Fishy
Shockingly Horrible Pun Fest
American Whats
Thingiechat 7-28-01
The Last Time I Make A Stupid Typo
Little Bo Peep
Fowl Gesting
No Lion
'Til Tuesday
Cheesey Thing

Shakespearean Puns - Sheri, Colt, JAC, Daniel Reid, Scott and Reg

Sh: And I miss good, cheap Mexican food. And Hamburger Hamlet.

C: Is that next to Muffins Macbeth?

JAC: no, but it IS across the street from Burger King Lear....
Jacobianly, JAC (who's never understood how you can get Jacob from James)

D: I hear you can get much a stew about nothing there. (and it's always as you like it)

C: Iīd say allīs well that eats well, but do what you will.

Sc: But the stew has to be tamed.

JAC: heh. i'd buy tickets to see that stew be tamed. there's a merchant in Venice Beach....
completely, JAC (who would like to own a Portia, just to look at her)

R: I prefer the Merchant of Venison myself. Their Othello Mornay is to die for.
Reg(who thought the Julius Caeser salad was too obvious) "Lettuce to the king!"

Bovine Humour - JAC, bafog1, Scott and Sheri

JAC: Moo! ponderously, JAC (who had some bovine joke, but couldn't quite get it off his tongue)

bafog: Was "why that's udderly ridiculous" the punchline?

Scott: Et tu, Michelle?
--Scott-- (It behooves you)

bafog: So, what? Am I supposed to tip you for a remark like that?
-MM & the ME who cannot believe she's feeding Scott such tripe.

Scott: I don't have a beef with it. After all, it's better than spam.
--Scott-- (who thinks there are the rumen-inants of a pun that I'll milk for all it is worth...)

Sheri: I don't think I'll join in this thread. The steaks are too high.

Porno Puns - bafog1 and Scott

bafog: (Ron Jeremy was running over into our time slot - Scott, I know it's an obvious pun, but have a little taste)

S: You feed me a line like THAT and I behave myself??? ; )

Birth of a webpage - Anonymous, Loz, Colt, Scott, Bill, Daniel Reid, bafog1 and JAC

Anon: Converting the Preachers???

L:  Why, are they particularly Manic?

C: Nah, Iīd just like to get them off the Street.
Colt, evil punster if challenged.

S: Get thee to a punnery.
--Scott-- (like you didn't think I would respond....)

C: "Nuns. No sense of humour."

S: But they do have bad habits....

B: If I were ever punished
For every little pun I shed
I'd hide me to a punny shed
And there I'd hang my punnish head.
--Samuel Johnson

S: If we keep this up, Michelle is going to have us sent to the punitentiary.

D: I do feel you've pun-ished the pun-dits enough over the years, Scott. Although it has to be said that your pun-itive replies are quite pun-ctual and always properly pun-ctuated.

S: I know my puns stink, but that was rather pun-gent.
--Scott-- (attacked by Atilla the Pun)

b1: Alright. You asked for it. Next re-vamp (however long it may take me to have time off enough to do it), the 'thingies you might find' page is going to have a separate section entitled "Cruel and Unusual PUNishment". It'll be like a penalty box,

JAC: you mean punalty box, right? *grin*

b1: It'll be like a penalty box, only more fun and silly, because Scott will be living there. :)

S: Oh cool! Do I get to decorate the place and have visitors over? Any loud parties?
--Scott-- (an apartment complex on Oedipus Street?)

Spoonerisms - Colt, Scott and JAC

C: Well, he canīt help it, he comes from a punning clan!

S: Conner? I don't even know her!

S: --Scott-- (who will not make the blatantly obvious linguist joke that no one has jumped on yet)

JAC: that... sounds like a spoonerism.

JAC: Q: what's the difference between a stage magician and a chorus line of blondes?

JAC: A: one's got a cunning array of stunts....

Multilingual Pun? - Harvey, Colt and Daniel

H: Anyone interested in a Big Ass Kinder Egg? I don't have much to trade here. Ignore the eBay stuff. No one there wants random Kinders.

C: Well, I wouldnīt want random kinders myself.

D: Yes too bad you can't shake a pregnant woman to guess what's inside... and eating the woman in order to get to the surprise is considered illegal in most countries too. At least you can play with her....

Something Fishy  - Scott, Harvey, Reg, Morgana, Daniel

S: Evil pun shortage, you say? Can I be of assistance? *S*

H: Just so long as you do it for a good porpoise. :)

S: What's wrong with doing it just for the halibut?

R: Nothing. It's your Cod-given right and deep in your sole you know that you have no reason to feel any remoras.

M: Somebody needs to be pimpslapped with a very large trout. ;p

S: I guess that's our hint to clam up *S*

D: And way past time too. Some of us don't like herring bad puns. You're so shellfish !

H: We better come up with better material, 'cause we're floundering here.

Shockingly Horrible Pun Fest - too many thingies to be healthy...

Scott: I *do* know from experience to be careful for electrified fences, though.

NW: It's shocking what people learn these days.

Ceara: Well I think that it's nice that people keep up with current events.

NW: Watt did you say?
Ohm man... that was a horrible pun.

NightGoat: Volt it right there, buster ! My capacitor for bad jokes has just fried.

Scott: Good thing my resistance has increased with the frequency of electrical jokes around here. (Watt did you say?)

bafog1: Honestly, Scott... you realize that you are being immortalized in Usenet with these horrid little punishments? Not to mention how much of this stuff ends up on my web page (sorely in need of updating, I know).

Ceara: Franklin, Michelle, I think the next edison of the webpage should include the electric puns. Particularly Scott's.

Cassie: You're going to hell from that. And not the one with the Styx-side property. We're talking a BAD hell.

Scott: Air Supply instead of Styx?

American Whats? - Lance "Squiddie" Smith, Mute and Lady Miss Tree

L: There's a note up on the American Gads journal that about half the tickets are gone for the Toronto signing.

M: Agads!

LMT: Could be worse, could be American Cads.

LMT: I can feel a pun fight coming on...

L: Maybe I should stop now. I shall pun no more forever. I was looking forward to the American Mods rock opera Quadraneilia

Thingiechat 7-28-01 - Velvet Raisin, NightWalker, Kari, Scott, Bill2 (posted by Scott)

(Velvet is having problems getting into the chatroom)

pickywitch vegas: I think velvets having some trouble

velvet_raisin joined the room

walker_lost_his_login: WB Velvet

velvet_raisin: Hello.

HankEJank: She's logging on from a foreign country and has International Velvet problems?

HankEJank:: Hiya.

walker_lost_his_login: The fabric of that joke was awfully thin, Scott.

velvet_raisin: I was having some sort of problems...IV problems seem as good as any.

pickywitch_vegas: hiyas.

velvet_raisin: Ouch.

HankEJank: Fabric? That joke was threadbare at best.

velvet_raisin: Yay! My first thingie chat! How exciting.

walker_lost_his_login: I sense a pattern here.

HankEJank: Simplicity itself, Walker.

walker_lost_his_login: (Goddess help anyone around us at BosKone/MadCon)

HankEJank: Heheheheh

walker_lost_his_login: Simplicity....hehehe. Good McAll.

HankEJank: A sudden serge in the amount of punning.

walker_lost_his_login: Sew? Punning is good.

velvet_raisin: Thank god I don't mind puns.

bill_squared :Ya bunch of knit-wits.

walker_lost_his_login: LOL

HankEJank: Not even crewel ones?

walker_lost_his_login: Oooh...threaded the needle on that one.

pickywitch_vegas: oh dear.

HankEJank: Weave only just begun.

bill_squared:You have to quit....I'm laughing so hard I've a stitch in my side.

walker_lost_his_login: It's just thimble, honest fun Kari.

bill_squared: shear madness is what it really is.

pickywitch_vegas: I'll just crochet this way and that over here.

HankEJank: Sometimes we just hem and haw.

bill-squared: and all is definitely not what it seams

HankEJank: Darn this whole conversation.

walker_lost_his_login: Quick...someone spin a yarn.

bill_squared: I believe the end of the puns is looming.

walker_lost_his_login: Get us out of this knotted predicament.

walker_lost_his_login: (Did we finally pin it down?)

HankEJank: Filamentary, my dear Walker.

HankEJank: (Someone should send this to Michelle)

walker_lost_his_login: (after it's been well-tailored to remove the incidental conversation, of course)

velvet_raisin: Just when I think the worst of it is over....

velvet_raisin: groans loudly

pickywitch_vegas: maybe it's time to cut this thread?

walker_lost_his_login: At least trim it.

pickywitch_vegas: I'm 'frayed it's taking a little too much space in here.

walker_lost_his_login: Heh

walker_lost_his_login: We are kind of stringing it along.

HankEJank: At least we're not buttonholing ourselves into one area of conversation.

HankEJank:: 'Frayed? That's knot funny!

walker_lost_his_login: Will you pleat stop?

pickywitch_vegas: Hey cut it out!

bill_squared: I'm gonna bolt if this doesn't end soon.

pickywitch_vegas: Aw, nuts.

bill_squared: lol

walker_lost_his_login: Leave it to Bill to screw with it.

HankEJank: Walker is a man of the cloth, you know.

pickywitch_vegas: I'm laughing so hard I think I busted a socket.

HankEJank: I thought he was inclined to be a plane old guy.

walker_lost_his_login: <wrenches Scott over to the hardware puns>

HankEJank: Ready for a bit of drilling?

pickywitch_vegas: Oh, saw'd off.

bill_squared: i miter be ready for a bit of change.

HankEJank: You've got to be pretty tackless to continue.

bill_squared:(way to segway between the fabric and hardware puns, tho)

walker_lost_his_login: It was a good join, wasn't it?

pickywitch_vegas: Can we hammer out a solution about this pun thing?

bill_squared: wood you want to?

walker_lost_his_login: Oooh...that was smooth.

pickywitch_vegas: Untarnished, even.

walker_lost_his_login: Polished.

velvet_raisin: Finished? (hehehe)

walker_lost_his_login: LOL

HankEJank: Brace yourself for a boring, square conversation in which you might flail to retain your sanity, and lose your adze in the process.

walker_lost_his_login: Knot yet.

walker_lost_his_login: <grins>

pickywitch_vegas:I think you hit the nail on the head.

HankEJank: Now playing: Tool

walker_lost_his_login: I'm just plumb out of puns.

walker_lost_his_login I'm not nearly on the same level

HankEJank: You're just a two-bit chiseler, Walker.

Laibach - bafog1 & Scott

b: But what if I want to hear Laibach?

S: Then just Laibach and enjoy it.

Alliteration - Jenny Jo

A thertain thort of undieth will make anbody thor, if you athk me.

Jenny Jo (couldn't rethitht)

The Last Time I Make A Stupid Typo - bafog1, Loz, Bill2, Scott

b: Ah, a logical little girl. I'll bet you were also a litteralist...

L: Isn't that someone that's really in to rubbish?

B: No, I think it's somebody who enjoys shorelines.

S: Shorely that's a littoralist?

Little Bo Peep - Reg & lucy anne

R: Here's hoping that many more lost sheep will return to the fold

la: Baa?

R: It's ewe!

Fowl Gesting - Scott Connor, Lady Miss Tree, Reg

S: Howdy....I'm back. Did I miss anything good? ;-)

LMT: Welcome back, sir! I'm sure the punning opportunities missed would make you weep, but I'm sure one of us will slip up again sooner or later.

S: That's what I'm hoping for ;-)

S: BTW, Bud Plant has a Gorey book for a significantly reduced price. I don't know if it'd be economically feasible including shipping from the US, but you might want to take a gander. Unless there are Aussie laws about stealing waterfowl.

R: There are indeed, but I'm sure no-one would tern Tree in to the authorities.

S: Surely no one would be that gullible.

R: We also have very strict laws about carrying mynahs over sedate lions for immoral porpoises.

S: Would sedate lions be catatonic?

LMT: And to think I missed this... Starting to think that Scott's return is nothing to crow about.

S: A raven lunatic, I am...

R: Well there's no need to carion about it. It's not as if it's illeagle.

S: Owl try not disturb a single heron your head, Reg.

No Lion - Scott Conner & Reg

S: Well the lions do have to maintain a strict diet, elsewise they'd lose their sVeldt figures.

R: You have no pride at all, do you.

S: Of course not. I'll talk to you anytime ;-)

'Til Tuesday - squeaks & Scott Conner

s: crud, now I've got "voices carry" stuck in my head.

S: So you're being oppressed by the Mann? ;-)

Beeeeer - Reg, Scott, Mari

R: Also known as the god of inadvised sexual encounters and love affairs as expressed thus "Beauty is in the eye of the Beeeeer holder."

S: It *is* good for what ales you, though.

M: I see your pint.

S: But who's going to pay for all these drinks? I got the bill, and had to do a lagerrithm to figure out who owed what.

R: You're a stout fellow for picking up the bill, but I'll send a cash draught if it's making you feel bitter.

S: Who better than an Aussie to have for a Foster brother?
--Scott-- (and your mother wears wombat boots)

Cheesey Thing - Giovanni Wassen, Ivory, Scott, JeremyL, Karen McMurray, NightWalker, tyg

G: Gio (who hates cheddar)

I: I hear cheddar is none too fond of you as well. He gets downright sharp when you are mentioned.

S: That was munsterous, Ivory.

I: Oh I thought it was rather gouda. Damn you! I knew this was gonna happen!

S: Yeah....we don't want a briepeat of last time. Tree accused the both of us of not knowing jack, and Michelle held her breath until she turned blue in the face.

J: Ah, before this becomes Whine and Cheese night.

K: You're just trying to get their goat. You'd better stop stringing them along before you meet a sad feta and get creamed.

NW: <insert blood Curdling scream>

t: I take it things have gone whey too far for you?

S: Somehere in the debris are the ruminants of a good joke.

R: You're relying on everyone to remain camembert with you rather than edam your eyes and that all depens on which way the bries is blowing.

S: That's almost enough to make me bid a fondue farewell. Then I sat in the swiss chaise longue, and pondered the next move which wouldn't involve venturing out of the safety of my roquefortress. After all, it isn't wise to venture out provolone after dark , or you could meet a gruyeresome fate.